Am not coward to commit suicide but am getting tempted to do so

i love him a lot he too…but i become so dependent on him it disturbs his life he wants me to be independent but i couldn’t do that..i read many articles..i motivated myself to be independent of him but nothing gives success..i am working as a software engineer i am a passionate girl i love my job ..i have a variety of hobbies..good parents brother friends..but the new office environment and hostel environment makes me to feel lonely ..i couldn’t manage this loneliness that’s why become too much dependent on him and moreover he made me to be dependent on him..he voluntarily involved himself and helped me a lot and now i need him in most of my routines..i tried buts its really difficult for me to be independent of him ..without his thoughts…now i feel less motivated ..my concentration is now not on my passion and hobbies .. i pursue them but still he become the first priority for me..still i am doing all my routines but its painful when i didn’t speak with him a single day..and even though i spoke with many of my friends i feel relief and get consoled only when i talk with him…when i feel sad i get consoled only by him ..am getting a satisfactory feel only if i share my sorrows to him not to others..sometimes i motivate myself of not talk to him but continuous failure makes me very depressed.. i don’t know what to do….i feel like sometimes i don have a purpose of life…but i have so many ambitions goals to pursue without  him i feel down..i was a confidence girl once but now everything changed..i know i wont commit suicide but its that much painful to face the failure every time i try  to be independent and regain my confidence back to stand as a independent girl  again..he loves me still but my dependency on him affects his career growth ..he is doing everything for me ..he is asking me to be independent of him at least for a year ..but i couldn’t stay away from him even a single day..i feel lonely to the core…whenever i feel lonely i tried to engage myself in various things but at last i couldn’t stop missing him..i cannot do my work with concentration..Because of this we have many fights when he hurts me i couldn’t bear that..i cry a lot….he only made me to be dependent on him but now he is asking me to be independent …he felt so possessive on me…so i avoided many of my good friends because of him..at those times i was not dependent on him..when i change everything just because he don’t like at that time i lost my originality and individuality and he showed so much of affection and caring that i got used to that now couldn’t stand alone………yesterday we had a small fight ..i decided not to call him until he calls..i just thought of practicing it to control the urge of calling him…today i didn’t make a single call..one of our mutual asked that why his number was switched off after that only i came to know that he  had switched off his number the whole day…without me he is able to live without  any difficulties…but once he cried a  lot to make me accept his proposal he was very dependent on me…he changed now..but still he loves me but once i become dependent and changed my individuality for him now he changed it bothers me a lot…i have so much to say but couldn’t 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 i feel lonely..its painful moreover what makes me feel bad is i cannot overcome this..i feel shame on me..i was not this much week…but everything changed…:'( :'( :'( :'( i will not get myself back as an enthusiastic confident happy free soul again… :'( :'( 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁