I’m still trying to find the courage to jump. Jumping is like all I have left to try. Can’t bleed, tried it, got gnarly scars. Can’t OD, too much risk of survival. Want to try the exit bag, but I’ve heard that the success rate is less than favorable. I don’t want to jump. I want to die pretty, and I need my family to know that I’m gone. I don’t want them to worry and wonder if I just disappear and die out in the middle of nowhere. I can’t do that to them.
I don’t want to jump…. I thought about hanging, too, but that would be hard without jumping… jumping and snapping the neck is the easiest.. but how do you make yourself step off the cliff?
I feel like a coward… I’m supposed to follow him. To meet him. To be with him again… Why is it so difficult to jump?
7 comments
It’s probably difficult to jump because your subconscious has a reason for you not to jump. Take it as a sign that you still have a purpose. It’s not being a coward to not go through with it. I feel the same as you about my parents, then I didn’t want them finding me hung up or something. The sub conscious is strong it doesn’t want us to die. But it won’t tell us why either.
I think OD’ing could be very successful with the right stuff. I’ve got mine planned and it can look like an accident because of my known personality.
There’s a place in my city which is notorious for jumping suicide and it’s part of folklore, it’s called The Gap (in Sydney) look it up on google images I could never imagine jumping off there it looks so painful. Mind over matter.
You’re not a coward. I could never think you were a coward for going through what you have. You have courage. You have strength. You definitely do not have cowardice.
It takes a lot of courage just to get to the edge and look over and I won’t stop you if that’s your choice. To be honest, I’d be peering over the edge too if I went through that.
And if this should be the last words I say to you, I wish that your pain ends quickly.
I hope you don’t though. I really hope you don’t.
Thank you. You’re always so kind. I’ll be around for a bit longer, but I cant bear to face November 6th or worse, November 9th…. I have a month to find the courage….I miss him so much… Maybe it would be poetic to die on the 1 year anniversary of his death… lol.. But I’d have to survive his first birthday without him… He would be 30 on November 6th… Sometimes I still feel like I’m dreaming, even though it’s almost been a year without him.
you guys or girls that have been on here a while have you heard of members going through with it? i have thought of jumping too and couldnt go through with it either. ******** is suppossed to be good but getting some is not easy apparently no matter what country your in. i hope you feel better, i know how awful it is and i think about ways to die every day. the ways ive tryed have never worked and i know id be a failure at that just like everything else ive done. i was thinking of going to los angeles the dangerous parts and trying to get shot and killed but i thought i was needed here. i dont think that anymore theres just as much hate inside the home im in as the outside world so i might end up going ahead with that attempt after all. hope you feel better, all of you
Thank you guys. I really appreciate you all for listening to my rants and taking the time to chat. ^_^
I’m sorry you’re considering ending it soon, after reading your last post I’d hoped you were trying to keep going even though you’re struggling. The last year must have been hard for you and I can’t tell you what to do but as you have realised, as I have, suicide is hard to do. Next month is going to be difficult for you, more than I can possibly imagine but I want you to know we’re here for you. I hope you can keep going, I really want you to be happy and I know that’s almost impossible and that makes me sad. I want you to find peace but I don’t want you to kill yourself so I don’t know what to say, I’m sorry I’m not helping but I’ll continue to read your posts and hope.
Thanks, nias. I know what you’re saying. (^_^)