as a female I am constantly the objective in anything that is sexual. when I try to take a stand for ourselves we are crazy, whores, ect… you can use your imagination. well my bf and I recently got into this argument, why is it ok for him to watch porn n not me? long story short it seems to me there are double standards anyone else who can explain this?
My hands were tingling.
My back was cold.
My shoulders felt weak.
My legs felt like sand as i whimpered upon this anxious depression.
Over and over again, going over the bumps.
Looking at the road seemed impossible to go on.
In fact I was about to even sit down and stop.
But as I looked beside me, she was there. Smiling.
So I smiled too. And I started walking with her, without a second thought.
On the way I hit bumps along with her.
Sometimes it would be nice and smooth,
and there are times where,
Ide hit her bumps and shed hit mine.
Sometimes […]
I know she cares and I know she loves me. But it still makes me sad when I try so hard to talk to her and make her happy and make her laugh and she just plain ignores me and plays with her phone, like a kid. It makes my heart hurt.
Just wanted to share that so someone, anyone, in the world knows. I hide too many feelings. I lie too much, mostly to myself.
For those that read my previous post, you know that I’ve worked 30 health care as a respiratory therapist and paramedic. My username reflects the motto of a paramedic and the job I dedicated to do.
During that time, I’ve seen many times where lives were not saved but extended. People uncomfortable in pain sad and miserable is there to variety of tubes and machines. Often times lying in their own feces or urine with open wounds draining the most terrible smelling fluids.
Often times these patients were getting good care but you can’t stand over a patient 24 hours a day 7 days a week and […]
And I’m no exception!
1 became 2, then 2 to 4. 1 cut every time my heart fell to the floor.
4 became 5, then 5 to 8. 1 cut every time I’ve experienced self-hate.
8 became 9, then 9 to 11. 1 cut every time I wish I was in Heaven.
11 became 12, then 12 to 16. 1 cut every time they were ever mean.
16 became 17, then 17 to 21. 1 last cut before my life was done.
1 cut, 2 cut, 3 cut, 4.
Loss of blood, my mind began to flood, as my life went on no more.
Self-Harm is like a drug […]
I don’t know where to go with this. I don’t even know that the details are worth it. Especially the past year, every time I make a little progress – work, finances, friendships – that and more are ripped from me.
What the fuck did I do that I’m always being punished? What I did – as though I had control over it – was that I was born. I survived physical, verbal, emotional and sexual abuse. I’ve survived HIV. I’ve survived losing everything including my home just over a decade ago. And it’s really time to end this nonsense. I’ve known for a while how […]
My life has been so terrible i feel like giving up. Every single day is longer and harder to get through. My ex boyfriend left me with our baby and i feel so overwhelmed. While he’s out there sleeping with other girls, smoking weed, and racing his car, I’m here just taking care of our daughter. Everything is on me. I feel like just killing myself so he can suffer. I feel like just running away into the streets filled with the promise of intoxication and liberty. I can forget everything. I can just die in a peaceful drugged out overdose.
I’m sick of being alive and today, I tried to intoxicate myself with water. Fuck, I thought today was my final day. I drank 2 gallons of water in less than an hour, although, I puked once. I felt this strong headache, started feeling dizzy and I had trouble breathing and I laid down on my bed for a bit and passed out. I woke up with pure disappointment on my face, I woke up to find my heart still beating. I don’t have many options for suicide, just this and falling off the Golden Gate , but I hesitate on the bridge. I just […]
i’ve wanted to be an artist since i was 14. make animations, draw comics, create illustrations, whatever, my mind has been set on that goal from the moment i realized that that’s what i wanted to do for the rest of my life.
the problem is, my art sucks.
at first that didn’t bother me much. i mean, i just started, of course i suck. i’m still young, i’ll get better, i just have to keep practicing.
and for 2 or 3 years, that’s what i did. i looked for resources online, asked my parents to put me in an art course, started keeping a sketchbook. really wanted to get […]
Even that you never stayed away from me, there was always the fear that you commit fraud to my love. And now I realize that my heart deserves an explanation. I do not regret doubting, questioning your loyalty and even the way you look. And now the bitter future is me, I’ll be always there; cause well, I do not want to miss you.
When you’re feeling low.
Aint got someplace to go.
Never despair,
Just sit in a chair.
Try not to cry,
You don’t want to die.
LIve one more day,
Look for a way.
If it’s lonely you are,
Love might not be far.
Just try and live,
You have something to give.
Love will find you,
Whatever you do.
Never give up,
Never lose hope.
Just find a way,
A way to cope.
And it seems to be the perfect time to kill myself.
Isn’t it better to end on a high note?
I didn’t believe in love, but someone has changed my mind.
I didn’t think I’d ever stop hating myself, starving myself, stop the mutilations, but I’m healthier and happier with my body and mind than I’ve ever been. I am beautiful and my body is a stubborn miracle.
I don’t want to watch it lose that, to experience my mind deteriorating, to slowly amass more people who hate me and more negative memories through my life.
It’s so much nicer to end it when I’m happiest.
There will be music in […]
How true.
This one’s for you.
You know who you are.
Even though you are far.
You’re here with me,
We’re meant to be. 🙂
Hi everyone, so I’ve been reading posts for weeks now and finally decided to register. I’ve been depressed for years now. I’ve been hospitalized at least 6 times in the last year. My last hospitalization I took over 100 Tylenol and was close to death. Now I am suicidal again and have been wanting to kill myself for weeks. I see my psychiatrist every week now and she has been so close to admitting to the hospital a couple times. Some of my fam and friends say I should listen to my Dr. and go to the hospital but I’ve been so many times and […]
Ive been wanting to kill myself for quite some time now and every time I want to and I’m about too i always ***** out. I feel nothing but depression in my life, My father doesn’t care about me, I get bullied for being overweight, and I really wanna end it. I just wish their was SOME way to get the courage to just cut my wrist and end up.
she told me to buy a notepad. a special one. i bought one that’s green because that’s my favorite color. then she told me to make a list of things that make me feel good, for times i can’t think straight and all i can think about is killing myself. i started writing.
listening to music.
reading a book.
writing.
smoking (cigarettes).
having sex.
taking the dog for a walk.
she told me to add new things every time i come up with ones. it does help sometimes. sometimes not. sometimes i’m so depressed i forget i have this notepad. it’s taking all of me.
anyway, thought […]
Tonight is finally going to be the night I have been planning for weeks. I’m finally jumping off the tightrope.
That’s’s an oldschool saying for you young ‘uns.
Short sighted all my life, only my long sighted glasses help me see what the fuck I’m typing nowadays. Might be something to do with having been celibate for the past three and a half years.
“…No Hate”
There’s a few people who are hating me based on something they weren’t there to witness for themselves — they weren’t there, yet they take the word of a woman who is obviously trying to hurt me for how honest I was.
Honesty. I’m brutally honest with everyone I encounter on this forum, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I expect that everyone here is tired of being patronized, bullied, and abused overall by their public. Someone like me should be like a cool breeze on a hot summer day. Not treated like filth. There hasn’t been any evidence of what she claimed […]