Hey there. Did you miss me? Probably not.
A friend of mine convinced me to talk to him rather than post stuff here… That worked out for about a day.. and then I realised that I had too much shit and too many problems to just dump it all on him. The offer was nice at first, but.. I don’t even know how to begin talking to him.
I don’t know how to talk to anyone any more.
I don’t know how to begin telling my story, or even where to. I don’t know who’d care enough to listen or who’d just laugh in my face. I don’t know who I could trust, but most of all… I don’t know who’d understand.
That’s all I really need right now… Someone to understand my pain, anger and guilt and to not just think I’m crazy. I need someone who understands how I’m feeling and who can help me through it. I need someone to calm me down on the nights that I freak out and to tell me it’ll be okay when I begin to question everything. I just need a friend… I had that once, but I ruined it…
I’m scared and lost. I find myself crying more than ever lately. Even as I’m typing this, I’m looking through tear filled eyes and I’m finding it hard to focus. I don’t know what to do any more… My mind keeps travelling back to a few months ago when my friend went missing, lingering on the moment he was found.. hanging in an abandoned house. It makes me think I should do it. I should man up and join him. It wouldn’t be difficult.. I could walk there after school one day and do as he did. Same house, same place. It’d be a tribute to him.
I don’t know how to get past this, or how to be happy.
I don’t know how to speak, or show how I feel.
But I’m beginning to think no one does.
Welcome to life. The cruellest thing in existence. If you find a way around all this, please let me know, because I don’t think I can last much longer.
2 comments
I am listening.
Miss you? I don’t guess I know you well enough to genuinely say that. But I do always recognize the username on your few and far-between posts, and think “ah, that’s that Irish girl”. Not much of a consolation, maybe. But I do like seeing you around the site, although that might be weird to say considering the purpose of it.
“Same house, same place. It’d be a tribute to him.”
Reminds me of something similar I’ve thought about a few times. But only in a long-distant future that I’m hopeful will never happen.
You can always find random people on here who will listen and talk, myself included of course. Although it’s usually better to talk with someone you already know, I suppose. But that’s not always a realistic option.
A way around? Who knows. You can always try to swerve to avoid all the shit in your way, but can you get back on the road afterwards? That was a bit of a weird, random analogy there… Cya ’round, Miss Weasley.