Dear Maman,
As it has now been a number of weeks since our previous discussion, and you have not only failed to apologise to me for badmouthing me to your family behind my back, but have no doubt also failed to correct any of the half-truths and exaggerations you made in the process*.
In addition to this, you appear to struggle to consider the needs of others. For example, despite my pleading, refusing to attend my suicide-prevention counselling sessions because you felt stressed.
When I took the decision to meet you again a couple years ago after a long and acrimonious separation, I really wanted to believe you had become more mature. Sadly, it seems my hopes were mislaid.
I am truly grateful for all the love you gave me and everything you did for me and I will continue to love you always, but unfortunately it has become apparent that as a direct result of your inability to accept responsibility for the consequences of your own actions, or to act with a reasonable level of respect, empathy and maturity toward others, this relationship has become damaging, not only to my personal health, but also to my relationships with other people. The family squabbling has been reduced to rumour-mongering and petty exclusionary bullying reminiscent of the social machinations of a schoolyard full of prepubescent children, picking on the one kid who was brave enough to tell the truth about the situation (“the snitch”).
Truth and honesty are immutable moral principles to me, and no amount of bullying or dishonesty on your part will succeed in making me retract my statements, nor will I be pressured into apologising for my honesty. At this impasse therefore, I am compelled by my own sanity to decide that I refuse to be involved in any campaign of bullying, either as the victim or perpetrator, even from my own family.
Please do not contact me again at any time in the future. Any attempt you make to respond to this message will be deleted without being read. Instruct your siblings to do the same. Feel free to explain why or even show this letter to them, however history suggests that you will have no difficulty concocting a narrative that makes you look both heroic and unjustly persecuted which your sisters will by-and-large believe unquestioningly. As I am to have no future contact with them, I do not care if this is what you do. Bear in mind, however that unless it’s actually true, my sisters will be more reluctant to accept your narrative.
Understand that this is not a decision made in blind emotion, but is the result of weeks of consideration and deliberation.
Lots of love,
Your son, *********
*Yes, it is a half-truth to say I wrote an affidavit against my mother and will testify against her. As I have read no one else’s affidavit, my affidavit is not written in order to support either party’s version of events, only that which I remember to be the truth. Secondly, if we both agree that the truth is actually important, then I would hardly be testifying against you, as my recollections would mirror yours. In addition to this, I find it highly inappropriate and downright catty for you to be discussing confidential documents with people in my social circles who were not there for the events discussed in the document, the sole purpose of which appears to have been to garner sympathy for yourself at the expense of my reputation.
However, all of these details are unimportant at this point in time and I do not intend to spend any more time discussing them. This is why they are in a post script and not the main body of the message.
3 comments
That is very well written.
Thanks. It was difficult to start with, but once I started writing, everything just came out.
The backstory here is that my parents are going through a very acrimonious divorce, and I’ve heard my mother has been saying a lot of things that are simply untrue about the family. So my dad asked me and my sisters to write affidavits about our own experiences. This I did. My sisters would also have done so, but were too busy with unrelated things.
Then, a couple weeks ago, I found out that my mother was so offended by the honesty in my affidavit that she has been telling all her sisters that I’ve turned against her and she can’t believe “he would do this to his own mother”. Because of that, I was persona-non-grata at my cousin’s engagement party because her parents didn’t want me at their house.
Yeah, I know, most of my aunts haven’t done anything to offend me yet, but this is extremely stupid behaviour and I’m not going to dignify it by allowing myself to be affected by it.
The scary thing (for my girlfriend, at least) that this decision was incredibly easy for me to make on entirely unemotional grounds. I say scary for my girlfriend because she was concerned about how relaxed I was at the idea of cutting ties with my blood who I’ve known as far back as I can remember. Comes with losing the ability to experience emotion, I guess.