I’ve never been on this site before, but I don’t have anyone to talk to.
Currently I’m 34 weeks pregnant and I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. My husband and I are having issues, He’s become harsh and uncaring about issues I’ve been having during this pregnancy. Due to this I feel as though I’m being pushed to break a promise I made 5 years ago. The day I found out I was pregnant with my first I promised I would never cut again.
Lately that’s all I can think about. I fantasize of the feel of a blade against my skin. The release of pain and a sense of freedom. Although I love my kids and don’t want to ruin them, I’m tired of living this way. I’m tired of living.
My husband is addicted to porn and has said that it’s something he wants in his life and if I ask him to choose the porn or me, He says he chooses the porn. Being 34 weeks pregnant all I want to do is grab my razor and end this pregnancy and end my suffering.
I’m not afraid to die, I’m not afraid of feeling the strength and life bleed out of me. This is selfish of me to want to end my suffering and leave my kids alone. All I want to do is feel the peace of knowing it’s all over. I’m falling into failure in keeping my promise to my son. I promised I would never cut myself again, and I”m failing.
3 comments
whoa. Hope you find some strength and someone to talk with about this. I’m sorry.
Hm I’ve never cut myself but I heard that using a red marker instead of a knife helps to cope with the urge of self-harm. Try to express your anger physically to things you cannot damage or that you will throw away anyways: Pillows, old newspapers etc. Don’t know if that helps you.
I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time with your husband, I think it should be your no1 priority to fix these issues somehow. Take your time to talk to him about it, or get him to visit a marriage counselor with you. Remember what you felt at the time you got to know him and the reasons that made you marry him in the first place. He should be at your side all the time especially now that you are pregnant with your 3rd child.
I wish you the strength to deal with this soon, you’re always welcome here if you have problems 🙂
First off Please dont cut or hurt yourself in anyway while you are pregnant. Get your mind off of that idea its not good. As far as the problems with your husband the only thing I can say is try to talk to him in a calm way and realize that he might be going through stress in life. A lot of parents these days are having issues. Have you ever been to see a psychiatrist? they can really help. and you need some help right now given that you have 2 young cchildren and one on the way
seek some help. Do you have anybody else who you can talk to other than your husband?
Family, or friends. Try to get somebody you know and trust to come visit you… somebody you can vent and talk to about these issues