Heartbroken and Alone

I can relate. More specifically, I can relate to this happening very recently. I know the pain you’re feeling. It’s absolutely unbearable. It makes you want to kill yourself, just to stop it. The hole in your chest, right where your heart should be, will continue to hurt for some time. But I’m telling you right now, one heartbroken man to another, that you are not alone. I wish I could offer better advice than what I’m about to give, but it’s all I have. I have only barely left that dark place, where all your pain, love, loss, self-loathing, and an uncountable number of other, conflicting emotions reside. What you feel is a self-destructive storm of such magnitude that it cannot be escaped. But it can be survived.

Take it from one who has stared down the business end of an instrument of death barely one week ago: don’t commit suicide today. That’s all you have to do. Just don’t do it today. Tomorrow will come, and it will bring all the pain and suffering you could imagine, and then some. Tomorrow, when you are faced with the same question, “Why should I continue to live?” remember that your decision is absolute and final. Think long and hard about those whom you’ll permanently wound with your choice to take your own life. And don’t do it tomorrow, either.

Take each day one at a time. Don’t even think about the future beyond the day your’re currently living, or you’ll drown in your own misery. Yes, time will heal your wounds. Yes, there’s someone else out there. These statements are self-evident but also useless to you, because what you’re experiencing isn’t bound by the laws of reason. Do not, I repeat, do NOT attempt to reason your way to a solution to your problem. Emotion is vastly more powerful than logic, and will simply override whatever good sense you have. Simply focus on living one day at a time. I promise you that the long night will end, and that the sun really is still on the other side of the earth, waiting to shine down upon you with all the love and warmth in the world. But you’ll see that soon enough. In the meantime, don’t take a single step toward the future. Your balance is faulty and cannot be trusted. Your limbs are too weak to carry you farther. The future is clouded and the present is dark. But there is hope. Keep your head down and inch towards daylight.