My reason for depression is different from everyone else…

Everybody else tells me they’re depressed because they feel as if nobody would care if they died or not, they think they are worthless and they hate every fiber of their being, they feel as if there’s no potential in their life, and something has sparked their depression such as someone fucking with their life and such, but for me… I’m different. I mean, I’m an athiest so I believe that there’s nothing after death, no pain, no enjoyment, just eternal peace. I believe this because our consciousness is from blood getting to our nervous system and brain, so everything around us is, well, life as we know it. But it makes no sense to me how you can live after death if that’s the case. For me, I’m depressed because I don’t understand the point of living if things like depression happens, if you can eternally sleep without any thought or anything happening, I believe that nothingness is better than life, I look good, I’m completely healthy, have a disorder that’s more like an advantage to be weird, I have a shitload of potential but I don’t understand why use that potential if you and everybody else will forget about what you did anyways? Also, I live under my mum and we have no job, so is there any house products that I can use to kill myself? We have no rope and I don’t know where I can hang myself from, we have a cheap wooden fan… Also, is there a way I can just pull a belt really hard and somehow keep it tight so I don’t wake up with some fucked up brain and belt marks on my neck? Any household drugs I can ingest to just sleep off reality forever? I know helium with a mask used for sleeping is the best way because the human mind can’t differentiate from helium and oxygen, but I don’t know where I’d get that much helium and how I’d get it in a bag on my head…. As I’ve said earlier, I have no job and I’m living under my mum so I can’t go out and buy a suicide kit of sorts…. Please help me of my depression and suffering. Thank you.