slipping

i can feel myself slipping and it’s terrible. i know i should care, i know it should matter, but battling this other voice in my head just gets harder everyday
i’m not supposed to use the word ‘should.’ well, “it would be nice” if i didn’t think about this all the time. it would be nice if i had any self-control whatsoever. it would also be nice if i could remember and apply anything you taught me. it would be nice if i weren’t so self-destructive, if there wasn’t so much hatred, all the time. it would also be nice if the simple fact that i’m not in your life anymore would make you happy, but i know you don’t care either way.