Oh no. Here it comes. The darkness rolls over me like a summer storm over the meadow. I’m surrounded and I have no where to do. I am paralyzed with no direction. Panic sets in and I can’t breathe. I can’t see. I’m completely hindered. What do I do? The knife. Get the knife.
No! Don’t get the knife. Splitting seams won’t solve anything.
It’ll calm me down! I’ll have something to focus on. The pain is a dull ache that comes in waves like the ocean tide over sand. I’m drowning and I need something stable. Something sane.
Cutting gets you no where but a lot of questions and nosy neighbors.
It helps me. Forget them.
*Slice*
Not good enough!
*Swish!*
I feel the pain but it’s not helping! Panic.
I can hear the ring of the blade as I slash it against my newly healed skin. The previous scar, once white, now a dark red. Finally…sweet release. The burn feels good. The emotional pain is now directed at something. The physical pain gives me something to focus on. The burn begins to subside.
NO! This needs to last longer!
*after application of more pressure and a quicker swish*
My blood drops onto the floor in drops of three. My arm is now a crimson red instead of snow white.
7 cuts later and the burn is steady.
4 comments
Yeah it does
I’ve had my share of low moments in my life…I think I once hated myself enough to want to cause self-harm but never in the form of cutting, more like I wanted to shoot myself.
I don’t think I will quite ever understand why so many people here are cutters. I realize that you displace the internal pain by causing external pain. I just find it so unproductive and self-damaging/defeating.
If you genuinely want to end your life then do it (speaking metaphorically here)…otherwise try to deal with your problems rather than hurt yourself.
Shredding your limbs, is in the end only going to leave you worse off-especially if you lose function of those body parts. It’s also possible to damage nerves and live in a constant state of pain.
I realize many mental disorders are not amenable to reason but I figure it wouldn’t hurt to try…like anorexia, but I believe if people have the willpower to do such things they also have it to end such things also.
Cutting meets a need, and that’s ok. Cutting means something. It means you feel otherwise you’d be some cold hearted pyscho who felt NOTHING!!! I’ve cut so you’ll get no judgement from me.
Cutting is like it or not, a good way to get a release from our painful feelings. Is it the most productive? No. Does it make sense to others in any way? No, and likely never will unless they too became addicted to such things. But to say it doesn’t help is untrue and I too would never judge you for your post as I too am a cutter and have been for almost 10 years now. But I just wanted to let you know for what it is worth that I too have read this and heard you and more than anything I wanted to wish you the best in whatever is making you cut and perhaps we all can stop this horrible addiction (if you want to that is) but have a good day!!!!!!!!!