Hello SP,
Well…I thought someone should know. Maybe that way, someone could care. Perhaps.
I had planned my suicide for the end of November, but current circumstances has bumped the date up to tonight. The plan is to overdose. Now in case this doesn’t work out, I have a school paper I have to finish and email to my professor so if I do fail, I don’t screw up the rest of my life (such as school). But I can only hope that this works. I took off of work tomorrow morning so that, in case I fail, I don’t have to come in. I’ll be too groggy and out of it to even get out of bed. That’s what happened last time I failed.
Wish me luck on my attempt. You are all such wonderful people and I thank all of you that have responded to my posts throughout my short time here on this site. Best of wishes to you all and maybe you’ll here from me again.
Just.Lauren signing out.
6 comments
Hi Lauren – What are the circumstances that are moving things up? Maybe you’re not giving yourself a chance to work on things? I understand the urge to end things but I’m also letting things run their course. If you’d like to talk about what’s going on, feel free. I hope you at least think about things.
Hey there JustLauren. I don’t know if you failed or succeeded and if you will get to read this, but I hope that you do get to read it. I know about failed attempts–and the hospital visits that can occur afterward. Not fun. It sounds like you do, or at least the failed attempt part. Anyway, if you are still around and would like to talk, I care. I really do. I have a lot of empathy to offer. A lot. I don’t know your story. I don’t want to even try to guess. But even just the fact that you are working and going to college is I know stressful–been there and didn’t handle it too well myself. I know that’s not the half of it. But I know it can get better. If you want to talk, I’m here.
I hope to hear from you soon. I would not recommend OD but that’s just me. I will not say good luck though. But I will say that I wish I had your courage.
Hi Lauren! You know what’s funny? You’re JUST like me… we even have the same name 🙂
Any time I’ve attempted suicide I’ve planned for ‘in case it doesn’t work’. Even before I do it I do silly things like taking out the trash or finishing a paper so that I don’t fail a class… did you know that little things like that are signs that you still want to live? You still are alive and your mind thinks ahead. Mentally, you are still alive. You still have a will to live and you still care about your life (i.e. research paper).
And just like your mind, your body will follow. The body is very powerful, not at all easy to kill, believe me. I’ve done so many things that the average person would have died of and nope… when it’s not your time, it’s not your time. Stress is not the end all… stress is something that we work through. Have you ever thought ahead to what life will be like when you finish school and graduate? And when you have your dream job, maybe? Or a house, a car and children? What you’ll name them, what you’ll do for fun, where you’ll go on vacation… sometimes it’s the little things. Or what’s going to happen next in your favorite television series next week?
I hope everything turns out alright. Let me know if you ever need someone to talk to.
We *better* here from you again, Lauren.
I love your name btw — all the Laurens’ I’ve known have been awesome chicks. You and HappyDreams fit that bill too 🙂
Back in the day I’d move heaven and earth to help you and everyone else on this site, but lately I have lacked the strength to do so. I want you, and everyone else, to know that I do read your stories and I do keep y’all in my thoughts and in my heart.
…perhaps that’s why I’m hurting so much.
I hope you’ll return to us tomorrow, and if you ever need the help of a walking impaired fella who has an affinity for his trench coat — feel free to ask for me. I can’t promise that I’ll even be of help to you, but I’ll do my darndest to assist you where I can.
Be well, my friend.
I knew a Lauren once. Was just too stupid to let myself love her. She loved rock climbing, writing, and people with my name. Heh. I never realized. Smart girl. Smart woman. Exponentially stronger than I could ever be.
I choose to believe that you are like her. Prove me right.