I often hear those affected by a suicide talking about the one who committed the suicide being selfish; and often those people are caught off guard by the suicide because they were taking for granted the presence of the person who committed the act. Many of those people got too caught up in a life that was quite a bit less painful than those who committed the suicide to ever notice there were little things they could often do to help prevent such measures. Examples might be: Inviting those struggling out to a cheap social event, making a small connection that might help those find work, being open to that person’s ideas…… Then, when the suicide happens, they complain about the selfish nature of such an occurrence…. Is it just me that sees the hypocrisy in such beliefs?
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No. I often think about this. How is it selfish to remove oneself from a life of pain? It’s selfish to expect someone to live with unbearable pain just because you don’t want to see them leave.
Exactly!!! Especially, when you see them in sadness, yet you go on like it doesn’t matter. It is only when those others go through pain that they are angry…… And they wonder why they are so bad at stopping such occurrences.
I agree with this. If life is unbearable who is selfish? The one that wants to go or the one(s) who want you to stay and live an extricating existence just so they can feel better or avoid pain?
I think about this quite a bit as well. I think it’s selfish on both sides. They don’t want you to leave because they’ll miss you. They wouldn’t think it so selfish and tragic if it were constant physical agony, something they could see and understand.
I’ve always felt that I’m a burden to others. I hate making others think about me. I hate when others offer to “support” or “help” me, either financially or emotionally.
That’s why I’ve always tried to do things by myself. To get my own place to live, to get my own business, to pay all my own bills. I hate relying on people I hate thinking that others think I’m relying on them.
Throughout my childhood, whenever I asked for anything, my father told me I was being selfish. It was his go-to phrase to make me feel bad. Finally, when I was 15 or 16 i just started to believe it and accept that I was selfish. Since then, I always choose the action that best benefits me because, hey, I’m selfish, right dad?
So being “depressed” or in need of someone or something…I feel like that is being selfish. When I seek other support…I am being “selfish” because they are taking their time and energy to help me.
So, actually, I feel like suicide would be my most selfless act. I would relieve everyone from the burden or worrying about me or caring about me.
So if I ever become such a burden on another person, it’ll be my one chance to show “I’m not as selfish as you think I am. See, I freed you from the responsibility of caring about me. The responsibility of saying ‘i love you’ because it’s your obligation. Look, I’m not as selfish as you thought I was.”
This is just what goes through my mind when I think about leaving…
I know this feeling pretty closely. When leaving would be doing others a favor. Sometimes I think it’s selfish of me not to. I feel it. The problem is they won’t see out that way. It’ll just be more selfishness in their eyes. So at least when I go it will be the last time I’m selfish. The last time i hurt them.
A selfless act by one person doesn’t make the benefiting person selfish. If you decide to donate 100$ to charity for a starving African child you wouldn’t call that child selfish either. If you decide to stay alive for your families sake it’s a selfless act by you but not a selfish one by your family.
Nevertheless my experience with depression is that only very few friends and relatives usually notice it (which partly is also the depressed person’s fault for not opening up to them). So the real question is: Can you expect your family and friends to realize what is happening to you even though you don’t tell them or even lie to them? Do they provide the right environment in which you feel comfortable about talking to them about such problems?
I’m not even talking about those parents who know about their child’s depression or suicidal tendencies and either don’t care about the outcome or don’t take the issue seriously (“It’s just your puberty..”). The first case should not be allowed to have children, the latter one should be made to realize the situation their child is in. Friends with a similar attitude aren’t friends and should probably got rid.
If you tell someone that you don’t want to live you will prob get called things like: lazy, dumb, unappreciative, selfish, etc. But nobody asked to be born.
suicide isn’t selfish. The people who ate selfish are the ones who want the suicidal person to stay alive just for them. It would be better if they could ask why the person is feeling suicidal and not judge them. Which doesn’t really happen much outside of this website.