an unexamined life

The world can be changed in a fort night by a person with a strong conviction to do so.
where does one find the strength, i wonder, to be the arbiter of their own fate, and still find
the means nessacary to empart their brand of wisdom on humanity
I understand now that I never had a chance against these convicted people, because I
flock to folly, I just cant stand against the tide of human emotion,its all just to fucking much to feel.
I am a runaway in my own skin, I am making a concious and concerted effort to check out, I just don’t want
any part of it, I am no longer intrested in participating, I’m for the birds,
I’ll take a rain check for the whole lot, and furthermore, i demand a refund
, life in general, living in particular, its just not where I want to be.
i now devote most all of my time to leaving,
to hiding to slipping and drifting away from the consious mind, and where my convictions would be found if
i ever took the time to feel strongly enough about something to develop one, is empty……. .
living this way presnts itself with a myriad of problems, trying to be devoid of life while
still technicaly alive is very expensive and quite exhausting, really.
Drugs are abusing me, its an easy answer
when one finds themselves craving oblivion,
and i welcome it, the harder the better, anything it takes, at any cost,

All of my kingdom for a few moments unexamined. i suppose i have always been smitten with feeling better
by feeling less. Bad things have happened, bad things are happening, and more bad things will happen in the
future, so why in the fuck would i, or anyone else for that matter, want to be sober for it? to build character?
For moral fiber? So that you can add up to the sum of your convictions?? in the purest sence, and with all sincerity,
i say fuck that. theres just no use, that i can see anyways, for all the pain that naturally accompanies life.
but you must take the bitter to get to the sweet and
i’m sure there’s some sort of rational to this, i feel that there must be some concrete logic involved that
i’m just not able to grasp even if i had all my mental faculties available to me.
Only God knows why, and he’s not talking.