I’ve wanted to kill myself since I was very young. I was raised knowing that I wasn’t very much liked in my family and knowing I’ve caused so much pain over the years just existing is killing me inside. Nobody deserves the things I’ve done and I just can’t be this person anymore. When my mom got pregnant for me she was cheating on my younger sister’s father with my father, who was dying. When I was born my mother want allowed to tell many people about my real father because her boyfriend didn’t want people to know. My father died the day I turned 9 months old and ever since I’ve been resented by so many and just being around his family caused so much pain because I was all that was left of him. Just watching all of this happen growing up had just hurt so much and I Just hate myself so much for even being here. I can’t stand it anymore and now my life is just a mess. I can’t work right now and I’m pretty much homeless with nowhere to turn. I have nothing, but myself and the guilt and I just want it to be over.
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Your life has value. Suicide is permanent, you can’t come back from that – you would never see anyone in this life again. Do you hate everyone that much? I think your family is missing out and I bet they do love you they just don’t know how to show it. I hope you don’t kill yourself and I wish you the best of luck.
ValerieC,
I understand your desire to disappear. I feel the same way even though I can’t remember anything bad ever happening to me. I have a decent job and enough money. Still I imagine hanging myself or cutting my throat more than once every day. I don’t understand why I feel this way. But that means there is something wrong with the way I think. I can’t help myself even though I would love to stop thinking this way.
What I’m trying to say is that event though you think you have reason to think you are a bad person those thoughts don’t really have anything to do with what happened to you. You can be a wonderful person no matter how you came into this world. Unfortunately you are sick. The problem with mental sickness is that no one takes it seriously. But it is a disease that needs treatment like cancer. I hope you can find a treatment that helps you. I’m still looking and it’s so hard because I think I don’t deserve help. I’d rather hang myself than ask for help. Is this normal? I don’t think so.
I sincerely hope that you find help because I still have hope that this world can become a good place for everyone.
Stay strong.
Held
https:// http:// www. youtube. com/ watch?v=EZJcGhIfN0k <— song called Valerie… only way it relates is that its your username but its a great song nonetheless. copy n paste but take away spaces i put so it wouldnt be sent to spam
Yeah I know the song. I’ve heard it a come times and yes Valerie is my name. Thank you
ValerieC,
Held is right: Regardless of how you came into the world, you can be a wonderful person and your life does not have to be defined by that. The circumstances surrounding your birth were out of your control and certainly not your fault. And I personally feel your family’s behavior toward you is completely wrong.
This may sound extreme, but perhaps it’s time to think about seperating yourself from those who are having a detrimental effect on your life. Of course, you are the best judge of whether or not that is necessary; I simply say that as someone whose own family situation wasn’t exactly the greatest growing up, so I can somewhat relate.
I hope you figure everything out. Best wishes.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)
If someone was in your position, would you blame them for everything? Blame them for their relatives’ shitiness, and blame them for being born? None of those terrible things were at all your doing. I think it wouldn’t hurt to be more reasonable and kind with yourself, if you can.