I hate everyone

My disappointment has now boiled down to an unending hate towards everyone. I sincerely hate everyone around me, of course including me. People around seem to give me so much pseudo comfort that I’ve grown tired of it. So what if I am miserable?My brother’s friends’ girlfriend exclaimed to my brother ” Oh your poor sister!She must have been so depressed. Hasn’t passed that exam for these many years.” I don’t even know that ***** in person and she’s around giving butt hurt comments about me. This should pretty much sum up how judgmental are the people who exist in the world I’m forced to live in. I had a verbal fight with my parents this morning. I’ve promised myself that I’m never going to blame anyone else for my failures but they come asking for it. I know very well that my entire family has too good people somewhat sage like and I’m undoubtedly not like them. I don’t want their moral, spiritual lectures.That won’t do any help. Today after a very long time I told my mom that I’ll make lunch for everyone. My aunt smiled over this expression of ” me cooking”.I know I’m not very good at cooking or anything else but they don’t even appreciate a fact that I’m trying. I am a subject of joke every time.
I feel that there are too many eyes looking down at me. They observe me very minutely and dissect my personality. I don’t want to be that special to anyone such that they care about me so much. I don’t want to appreciate this fact that I am loved. I don’t want love. I just want to be out of speculations.Now I’ve started having doubts on those few people who, I at some point considered my well wishers. They look fake to me. What is my life, a fucking experiment? I hate when people say that they’ve learnt lessons from my life, not to choose what I chose, not to be what I became and blah blah. I was ordered today that I am not allowed to lock my room except at night. So tomorrow I might have to ask for permission to cry inside my room. Maybe my parents and my brothers love me. Maybe they are right and I’m wrong. Whatever I hate them even if I’m to be sent to hell for thinking that way about my descent parents. That better happen to me as soon as possible because I’m fed up with life.