My mind won’t focus on anything but suicide. Everyday I envision the multiple easy ways I could end it. I don’t only think about them, I visualize them. Like mini hallucinations. I’m terrified of what my brain is doing to me. Should I check myself in somewhere?
Anyone who says suicide is a choice is full of shit. Suicide is a battle, one you only hope you’ll survive.
All advice is welcome, and yes, I’m medicated.
8 comments
I have some pretty wicked thoughts constantly and sometimes the only way to get rid of them is meditation(for me) and exercise. I guess if you have the intent and a solid plan to commit suicide you should go to the psych hospital for an evaluation. Only you can decide what’s right for you. Good luck.
I’m going to try the meditation when I can get my mind to calm down enough. It’s hard because it’s always racing. Do treatment facilities even work,? Not that I can afford to be off of work at my three jobs. Ugh.
I think about killing myself every day. If imagined cutting my throat so many times. I think about cutting open my belly and taking my intestines out. I hung myself in my mind more than I can count. It’s really confusing because I don’t want to die. But I think I might. No one would tell someone with cancer “Just don’t die. What is wrong with you?” But when you are depressed no one who has never felt the same seems to understand.
I don’t have any advise on how to stop those thoughts. I just thought you would like to know that you are not alone. I hope you can get better.
I’m sorry you’re going through the mental and emotional Hell that I am. It’s the vivid images that makes it worse. Hang in there. Maybe we can get through this together.
Serious do you want to do don’t let people tell you that suicide is wrong, chose your own path not theirs.
You said you’re going to try meditation when you can get your mind to calm down. That is a funny comment. Meditation is for when your mind is racing, when your mind is calm, when your mind is normal. Any time at all. I know people who have meditated daily for 30 years and their minds are as busy as anyone’s. Meditation is for observing the antics of the mind so you can learn it’s crazy ways and not get sucked in. So you say, “Oh, there goes my crazy mind! Come on back here!”
In my opion spirtually is misguided, independant thought is where its at, mediatation is good even if your are not spirtually minded,becuase it helps to forcuse thoght and memory is like orginzing a computer because of the various software updates you have to do,just like that the mind it need constant stimulation and updateing, otherwise we risk loseing logcial skills, problem sloving and instead of evoling forwards we elove backwards,Intellectually speaking, spirtually hold people back,believe I know ex occult and ex christains, I even tried mergeing the relgions together it didn’t work, two conflicting and contradicting views.
I’m not religious. I guess slightly spiritual but meditation has never been easy for me. I know there’s guided meditation and things of the sort but it’s honestly a little hard for me to believe in. To each their own and I envy those it helps, I just don’t know if it’s for me.