“I just hope that one day – preferably when we’re both blind drunk – we can talk about it.”– J. D. Salinger
I didn’t want to post here again , but it was one of those days that sucker punch you for waking up. Takes the piss out of you for walking outside. Then, it finishes you with a swift kick to the birds with a spring sticking out of your driver seat in the car.
I try very hard to smile much of the time when dealing with people. I want them to see me as happy, I guess. It isn’t as though it matters. Today, I was so fucking furious. Just a mean turn around when things began to…I never really got to talk about how I felt. You know? Never actually got the opportunity to tell her that I felt betrayed.
Who fucking cares at this point, it’s a little daft to pine after someone this long, proposal or not. I need to stop writing here, but it still hurts. I don’t know why. I need to actually take time to mourn it, but I don’t know how. I have always just moved along.
I need to get piss drunk. It’s been a while. Wish I could do it with you, and finally figure out why the fuck you left me. Never got an answer. Never really got to know if you actually loved me. Probably why I can’t let go…
8 comments
Ah forget about that ***** she was just a hole for uour dick find a new one
Sorry, I could never speak abut her that way. I appreciate the attempt, though.
*Your*
Lol she does sound like a cold hearted *****. I’d get drunk with you if you lived near me. Then you could vent & rant. If it makes you feel better… Men are equally torturous
Her and I have spoken, but it dealt little about how she left me feeling. I just…I want to know what the bloody hell was wrong with me? Why was it so fucking easy to leave me? She was…someone that I actually loved very dearly. I meant it. Maybe I am a fucking loon.
Good to know men are gits, too.
I know how it feels. Sometimes I just want to talk to her, but for some reason I don’t because it’s like the person I love/loved died a few months ago. Every now and then something reminds me of her and some weird, suspicious things and I start to wonder, again, what she was thinking that day, if she at least loved me in some weird way, what she did that day… its hard to let it go, specially when you don’t know exactly what you have to forget. Everything in this city reminds me of her, its like her name is written on every fucking wall. Sometimes when I’m walking anywhere (literally, anywhere in this stupid city) and I look kind of to the horizon, like when I’m on the campus waiting for the class to start and I happen to stare at the main corridor of the building and I feel like I’m about to see her again, walking towards me with her purse which seems a little big for her, with her ipod always listening to music, sunglasses, thin as fuck. And I almost can scent her smell, not exactly the smell of her perfume, but THAT smell, you know? That smell you scent when you hug someone and its a mix of her perfume and idk natural body scent? god idk why im talking now. I’m sorry, this is your space.
I just want to say that it gets better, I guess. I’m nowhere near to be happy now, soemtimes I feel like its worse because a few months before I kind of had hope and I still felt that I was somehow important to her, but now I’m clearly not, I’m just a fucking ex that she will keep lying about me to her friends (because telling the truth is always an inconvenience for her) as if I am a monster that didn’t love her or didnt treat her right (seriously? haha), when she is the actual monster.
Idk what happened between you too, I also wonder why it is so easy for some people to just abandon someone they said they love.
Actually thats not the only thign she did to me, but yeah, whatever
You probably dont live in Brazil so there’s no way we could hang out and have a drink, so I wish you will find someone there.
tl;dr
You don’t really have to read that. I should’ve made a post instead of commenting. Sorry.
No, I appreciate it. Your comment, I mean. Wish we could have a drink together, but that’s a bit of a distance for me. Hah. It get better. It truly does. Some days, I wake up and it feels okay. Other days not so much. The memories are the worst, though.