i really don’t know why but i wasn’t expecting myself to come back here, i tough oh just one night then go back to being silent but i can’t really, i need to talk to people even if i’m not actually talking to someone, i’m letting out some of my feeling.
Talking about those feels, i really hate them sometimes i wish was like Patch from hush, hush unable to feel. I want to be a fallen but aren’t i already, i think i am, yes i’m a fallen, i would call myself a angel but i’m far from that nop i’m a demons walking among humans exploring the world and when it’s time for me, time that i’ll decided that i can’t take it anymore i’l do it, i’ll die and i’ll be quite happy about it.
I’m not the best teenager, i smoke, i drank but i’m not like the other’s, like Alaska young once said ” y’all smoke to enjoy, i smoke to die.” i relate so much to this quote, i never could put in words why i smoked but John green did and i’m happy about it.
I don’t really know what to write i will just try to go with the flow, my life is big mess right now (as if it as ever not been a mess) i hate every part of it but mostly i hate me. Everyone always seems to went so much from me, it’s so hard, it always seems that everything that i do is always wrong, can i do something good for once… no i can’t, i can’t do anything right, and i hate it cause i try so much but fail at everything, everything that i try or ever tried to do. Why me, this question is way to often in my mind, i’m dying inside but nobody seems to notice, i pull off way to often the everything is okay in my life look, my fake smiles are never noticeable, my fake laughs always pass as real, oh blind they’re so blind but i won’t blame them, i can never blame someone other then myself.