I don’t come to this site often but I’m really down right now and contemplating ending it.
I’m tired of feeling and thinking of death so much. I can’t do this another year. I can’t change no matter what because 1.) I don’t want to because nothing outside will change and 2.) I’m just in too deep.
I didn’t even buy anyone christmas gifts because I’m a terrible person – I just want to spend my money on what I’ll kill myself with.
sorry if this brought someone down. I just feel lonely.
9 comments
Didn’t bring us down. Glad you got a chance to air it out. Hope you find a way. Hope you change your life to make it a happy existence. Merry Christmas Sky..
Merry Christmas to you too. But sorry, nothing really got better. I stayed in bed all day then drove to this local bridge near my home… I couldn’t do it.
Haha I am a demon too, I didn’t buy nothing for my family either.. cause I was so lost in my head the past couple months. I waste all my money and shit that kills me.. like cigarettes.. and I am not even good enough to buy some damn presents.. what selfish pricks we are? I caused me and my bro to be homeless for xmas… because I am so fucked in the head I can’t get my shit together. I wish we had a power off button.. and just die..but my family is such a good one that they don’t understand my selfish sabotage..
Same here. I spent my money on tons of red bull. Guess we’re both fucked up minded people.
That power off button sounds so good but as humans we can’t truly drive ourselves over the edge. I lied in bed most of the day and my family didn’t bother to check on me, I can’t blame them though they don’t understand how I feel and just ignore the fact that I’m depressed. My mom’s good though.
Merry Christmas, God bless if you’re a believer…
People sometimes don’t understand depression, they may think it’s just being lazy when a person struggles to get up without realising there’s an invisible weight holding them where they are, feeling safe. It’s never too late to get help, if it’s good help, suicide is hard to achieve so it’s always worth seeking help to change, but it does takes time.
I think the fact that you feel guilty about not buying gifts for people shows that you possess decency and that you are not a terrible person. You appear to realize that things are not well in your life right now and deep down perhaps are also aware that some change is in order
I like to think that there is no such thing as being “in too deep” to where improvement is impossible. The desire appears to be there; it’s just a matter of acting on it. Best wishes.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)
Thanks but I can’t change. I know that’s the solution but I’m the problem; my personality, behavior and thoughts are the problems and that can’t change. It’s useless, sorry that’s why I said I’m in too deep… I think I’m just meant to kill myself sometime in my life.
Thank you though and Merry Christmas.
What do you want, then? You keep saying you can’t and won’t change. That’s simply NOT TRUE. You CAN change but if you don’t want to, then what exactly do you want? Sympathy? Sitting around saying you can’t change and you suck …well…my guess is you are very young, have no goal in life, no motivation, etc. YOU CAN CHANGE THAT. It’s not easy. No one and i mean NO ONE is going to come hand you a happy easy llife on a silver platter. EVERYONE has to suck it up and deal with things and the payoff can be great, but you have to get in the game.
BUt if you want to wallow around, that’s a waste of a life.
Thoughts are one of the few things you DO have TOTAL control over. No one except YOU makes you think the negative things you think. Why not think of something POSITIVE you really want to be, do, or have in this world, and FORCE your thoughts to only think of how you would feel if you had that thing. Believe you have it, even before you have it.
If you persist in doing that, EVERYTHING will change in your life.
I know this for a fact because it is working for me.