I’m done. I’m not going to kill myself tonight, maybe not even tomorrow. After Friday at the earliest when I get paid. So I can at least have a last meal. Even depraved psychos get a last meal right? So I don’t know when I’m going to do it. But as it seems I might not have a place to live after December or January.
I always wanted to write a novel, or some short stories at the very least. I never had any sort of delusion that they would get published or anything. But posting it online, maybe even have a half dozen of people say “Yeah, I’ve read worse”. But it looks like that probably won’t come to pass at this point.
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You can keep posting here, tell us a bit about yourself if you want, the people on SP are a kind group who’ll listen to you.
There isn’t much to say. I make minimum wage at a crappy data entry job. I like to write and draw, but have no talent for either. I like mexican food and water parks. I have a younger brother, a younger half brother, and two older step brothers.
I live with some friends, but as they decided to go out of business, I’m no longer going to have a place to live. I can’t afford a place of my own at the moment, because I’m trapped under a ridiculous car payment.
It sounds like a really rough situation for you to be in. Do you know if you’re qualified to get subsidized housing or if you can get some money from the government until you’re more stable on your feet? It sounds like you wouldn’t mind living if there was a way for you to fight for what you want. Maybe if your close to someone in your family, you can see if they can help a bit? Does your job offer some kind of classes or training that would allow you to advance a little?
As far as artwork and writing go, if you enjoy it, go for it. Even if it’s not published, if you just want people to see it and to enjoy making it, there are plenty of sites that allow you to publish anonymously and to get feedback.
I’m not sure if there is any fight in me. Either I exhausted my reserves, or those reserves never existed in the first place. But surely I can’t see myself fighting to get into a ghetto house.
I’m aware of the sites where I can publish my stuff. I recently started listening to the Tales to Terrify podcast, and it inspired me to start working on my own horror short story. They even have submissions for listener created works along side their more established authors which are read on the show. I had no delusions they would actually read my stuff, but to even have it considered. Though it turns out the person from the show I really admired and who wanted to read my work, even if he didn’t like it, turns out he died some time before I even discovered the program. Which is kind of funny that a dead man inspired me to write. So that is never going to be fulfilled.
But at this point it isn’t a matter of whether or not I’m aware of the outlets for my creative ventures, it’s whether I’m going to be alive to bring about those creations.
…we all fall down
The life of an artist is often tragic. There’s this longing to express yourself, but it’s hard to stay inspired and when you’re not, you tend to just feel totally empty. Also, you often feel inferior to people who are better at your craft. At least I do. I’m pulling for you dude, I really hope things start looking up for you or you decide to give your life another chance. I hope you reconsider. Oh, and I’d be happy to read that short story if you ever get around to finishing it 🙂
Maybe I’ll try to write the story before I do myself in. I had a flood of ideas before things went to shit. Now I can hardly bring myself to get out of bed, let alone write. But we’ll see. Like I said I’m not planning on taking myself out today or tomorrow, just soon. So maybe I can squeeze my story in before then.
You do have something, a dream; a lot of writers have thought, as you do, that few people would read their work, but they still did it because they enjoyed expressing themselves, it’s a pleasure to write even without any financial gain. On the other point, from what I read, you’ve become disillusioned with life as things seem not to be going your way. You do need to find help to make sure you don’t become homeless, idk, is they any way of changing the terms of the car repayment arrangement, explaining the situation you’re in. It would be tragic for you to die over a lack of money when you have things to live for.