Wow. It’s been a while. I’m 15 now. I got better after I stayed home all summer, and now, school has obviously started again. I’ve gotten worse. I want to die.
I wanted to die when I was 14-16 as well. Good thing I’m still there.
Why? Because I made some fun memories in these last 6 years and tried things that I wouldn’t have had an opportunity to do otherwise 🙂 I may be back here now, but I don’t regret the times in between, when everything was okay.
The more I think of it, the more certain I am that it has always been because I was at a wrong place in the wrong time. So yup, that’s my piece of advice out of personal experience: keep going and looking for the right place and the right time – though I have absolutely no idea if that’s something usually recommended (I’m not familiar with the professional approach, my parents kept saying I’m just going ‘through a phase’ so I spent too little time in the therapy)
How did I manage to survive through? I was a good student, at 16 managed to get into a reputable school in a city away from my home and begged my parents to let me leave my hometown so that I could go to study there and live in the dorms. The students in the dorms were all kinda fightened and as geeky as I was so we bonded quickly. I felt supported and needed (since everyone wanted to meet new students) and there were lots of new things to try. Well, the first months were over quite soon, but then I found other friends and it was still okay. Had a few relapses over the past 6 years but overall, it wasn’t as bad anymore.
What I’m saying is – change of life circumstances is sometimes all you need. Sometimes you might feel a real connection with some new people you meet and then it will be enough to get you up and running again.
I’m not saying everyone needs to move and leave everything behind (it might end up worse as before when you don’t know anyone in a new place – but hey, you can always *RETURN* if you skip town since mistakes happen to everyone! BUT no turning back after suicide…). You don’t even have to move, it might be some kind of a club where you fit in just right (basketball? D&D? music? just name it and you’ll find peple who want to hang around doing it – since everyone wants to kill the sadness and loneliness inside, some just succeed before it even shows 🙂 )
You know what? The more I think of the hell I managed to get through as a teen (14-16) to be here today, the more ridiculous I feel about having a relapse and being down now.
Please keep going. There’s so much life ahead of you! And start thinking of a way to *CHANGE* something. Throwing everything away is just one way of changing things, there are lots of different (way better) ones! You can try them one by one to see what works for you. People are so different because it’s often that different things work for different people. You’ve just never found what kind of life works for you 🙂 And there’s so much time ahead of you to go looking around!
Some people are happy being waitresses and raising a family, some are happy being CEOs and ruling people around, some are happy being hippies and travelling around – lots of way to live.
Also, a piece of advice that my ingenious sister gave me once – you are okay. You are yourself and that’s good. It’s just everything else is wrong now – but this can be fixed. Different place, different time, different circumstances – it’ll be good.
I’m here because I wanted to complain myself but then I found this post and oh damn, now I’m crying for others. Seriously, as a teen, there’s so much stuff you still need to try in your life! Please keep on!
1 comment
I wanted to die when I was 14-16 as well. Good thing I’m still there.
Why? Because I made some fun memories in these last 6 years and tried things that I wouldn’t have had an opportunity to do otherwise 🙂 I may be back here now, but I don’t regret the times in between, when everything was okay.
The more I think of it, the more certain I am that it has always been because I was at a wrong place in the wrong time. So yup, that’s my piece of advice out of personal experience: keep going and looking for the right place and the right time – though I have absolutely no idea if that’s something usually recommended (I’m not familiar with the professional approach, my parents kept saying I’m just going ‘through a phase’ so I spent too little time in the therapy)
How did I manage to survive through? I was a good student, at 16 managed to get into a reputable school in a city away from my home and begged my parents to let me leave my hometown so that I could go to study there and live in the dorms. The students in the dorms were all kinda fightened and as geeky as I was so we bonded quickly. I felt supported and needed (since everyone wanted to meet new students) and there were lots of new things to try. Well, the first months were over quite soon, but then I found other friends and it was still okay. Had a few relapses over the past 6 years but overall, it wasn’t as bad anymore.
What I’m saying is – change of life circumstances is sometimes all you need. Sometimes you might feel a real connection with some new people you meet and then it will be enough to get you up and running again.
I’m not saying everyone needs to move and leave everything behind (it might end up worse as before when you don’t know anyone in a new place – but hey, you can always *RETURN* if you skip town since mistakes happen to everyone! BUT no turning back after suicide…). You don’t even have to move, it might be some kind of a club where you fit in just right (basketball? D&D? music? just name it and you’ll find peple who want to hang around doing it – since everyone wants to kill the sadness and loneliness inside, some just succeed before it even shows 🙂 )
You know what? The more I think of the hell I managed to get through as a teen (14-16) to be here today, the more ridiculous I feel about having a relapse and being down now.
Please keep going. There’s so much life ahead of you! And start thinking of a way to *CHANGE* something. Throwing everything away is just one way of changing things, there are lots of different (way better) ones! You can try them one by one to see what works for you. People are so different because it’s often that different things work for different people. You’ve just never found what kind of life works for you 🙂 And there’s so much time ahead of you to go looking around!
Some people are happy being waitresses and raising a family, some are happy being CEOs and ruling people around, some are happy being hippies and travelling around – lots of way to live.
Also, a piece of advice that my ingenious sister gave me once – you are okay. You are yourself and that’s good. It’s just everything else is wrong now – but this can be fixed. Different place, different time, different circumstances – it’ll be good.
I’m here because I wanted to complain myself but then I found this post and oh damn, now I’m crying for others. Seriously, as a teen, there’s so much stuff you still need to try in your life! Please keep on!