A bit of a background is that I was bullied by my older brother to stop it happening to my little brother (us being around 4 when it started him being around 15/16) that continued until I was about 13. Fortunately I guess I remember none of it on the other hand i don’t remember anything that happened before i was 13. I feel very uncomfortable talking to people first, i don’t mind talking i mean i bloody love talking to people it makes me so happy but I’m too scared to message them first because i feel like I’m a burden and because of this I don’t have much to talk about or people to talk to.
So when i was 15 i started going out with a girl who has had a lot of the same problems but a problem of it is that we have known each other pretty much since birth because our families know each other but grew apart so we didn’t talk much. Because of some problems she had at home she left and lived with me and my parents and younger brother, and about half a year after left and stayed with a charity house for homeless thing because she wasn’t comfortable living with my parents and i don’t blame her, but soon after she was finding it really hard where she is and being in college etc so she broke up with me saying she still loves me and we’ll always be best friends and so far there hasn’t been more than 2 days where we haven’t talked.
So I’m 17 years old around 2 months since she broke up with me and at the moment I really don’t know what’s going on, at night i don’t want to sleep because i know in them morning i’m going to wake up and have the exact same thing happen and i don’t want to wake up in the morning because i know that i’m not going to want to go back to sleep the same night, this has happened for a few weeks and ill admit im still very upset that i’m not with my ex and what holds me together is thinking we might one day be together again wishing it would be today but knowing it’ll be at least 2 years.
i know ive gone off a bit but the problem is the whole sleeping and waking up i really dont understand it, ive never felt it before, its like im losing the will to live, does anyone else ever feel like that? is it a problem? should i be worried?