I am so absolutely and unbelievably sad. I’ve had to stop my medication because I can’t afford it; it’ll be over a month before I can restart my medication for my bipolar treatment.
In the meantime, there is nothing that I can do to alleviate this sadness. It is a burden that is slowly and adroitly killing me. I am just so very tired of being cursed.
I am alone.
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Hi. I’m believed to suffer from bipolar disorder (or borderline, my shrinks can’t decide which definition would be closer to my state). In the peak of my depressive period I fell into a really deep hole. Whole days embraced by sadness? Yes, I know it. No way to get out? I do know it. Then, my suicide attempt and psych ward…Then, antidepressant that triggered hypomania and I had insomnia, laughed and couldn’t stop… Know that I truly understand your pain. I know what it means to be cursed. And I’m very sorry that you’re in the place I was. I don’t know what helped me, but now I’m getting better, so at least I can tell you that there’s a chance to run away from it. I can’t give you a recipe, but I can leave this little hope.
If you’d like to talk, I’m always here.
LittleBead, I wonder, is there any reason your docs are thinking it’s one or the other? The two can be comorbid. It used to be that in situations like this, they’d treat for bipolar first, and if, given some time to make adjustments, there was no little or no improvement, they’d start focusing on treating for borderline. But it’s not terribly unusual for someone to be diagnosed with both.
I am young, 18, and they don’t want to stigmatize me so they’ve decided not to give me any description and I am “a person with unspecified personality disorder”. They’re thinking and wondering, especially they’ve been since the mania period occurred after Escitalopram. From the hospital staff I heard that I am perhaps borderline.
And yes, I got meds for bipolar such as Rispolept or Tegretol however I am not using them, because I am getting better on my own, with therapy and with much freedom. I am not going to school anymore, I can focus on things that I used to enjoy once and in this way the things are really improving =)
So glad (and envious! 🙂 ) that things are improving for you!! Just be alert to any signs of mania, and jump right back on meds if you need to (and consider staying on them, if you really are bipolar).
Mania can feel really great when it’s just kicking in, and you may either not recognize it, or just not have any desire to thwart it. But there’s a phenomena called “kindling” that seems to take place when things like bipolar go untreated– over time each epiosode does more damage to your brain, becomes harder to recover from, and more difficult to successfully treat. Keep that in mind if you find yourself having future manic (or depressive) episodes, and plan accordingly.
Quixotic Nomad, I’m sorry to hijack your thread — I can relate to your despondency, and as you say, it’s a slow and painful death. No answers, but I wanted you to know you’re not alone.
Download and play a computer game called League of Legends.. it’s free.. superfun and it will take your mind off things for abit. Trust me.
I also am bipolar and i have found music to be a rather good substitute for medication. now i also produce music on my own with out a second party agenda so i am free to release my true self with my music but before i had that ability listening to artists sing about the things i was feeling was very soothing. I surrounded myself with the world of music to escape my ever building sorrow. I dont know if it will work for you or if you’ve already tried to no success but music has saved my life and it may save yours or at least part of your sanity.