A lot of the time I project a facade of intelligence, I’ve been told I write well, that I can be eloquent and articulate at times, but I’m actually genuinely stupid. Math and anything pertaining to basic logic is beyond my comprehension, like I’ve literally failed Algebra twice in a row and I still don’t get it, I don’t understand much about math beyond arithmetic at all. Complex subjects that require thoughtful analysis and ability to make sense of information are beyond me, I struggle to understand anything when it’s not spelled out to me, and even then I still don’t get it. I’ve been in special-ed for 3 years and have failed most subjects in school and am in the process of dropping out because of it. It’s so frustrating being unable to understand anything, like honestly I am fucking stupid. Maybe I have some kind of learning disability that I’m unaware of, but it’s crippling to both my life and my self esteem. Whenever I read something I vaguely follow along with it but then find myself wondering what the fuck is happening and not understanding what the author is saying even when I read it one word at a time. This makes me want to kill myself. In this society idiocy and cognitive handicaps are a sign of inferiority, and because I’m dumb and can’t understand a lot of things it gives people leverage over me. I can’t defend myself at all when exposed to an argument. I can’t understand what point the person is trying to convey no matter how they phrase it, so I usually just go along with it and plead guilty to whatever they say or submissively agree to their opinion whatever it is. I could probably be swindled out of anything given how complex a person articulates themselves. Fuck, it’s so frustrating
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Considering the calibre of writing I’ve seen here and places like youtube, you come across as exactly the opposite of what you think you are.
Math is easy if you have a good teacher. I used to be in gifted math classes, but I felt burned out by the end of high school (note that I went on to complete an engineering degree after), I basically flunked out of my calculus class, took it again in summer and got 100% on it-the only course I got a perfect grade, the teacher was great and it was easy for me.
I do believe people have learning deficiencies, sometimes they can be overcome, sometimes they can’t. You seem pretty intelligent to me. Mind you, I’ve been known to be very intelligent in my circles, but even I make stupid and embarrassing errors. Sometimes I don’t read directions properly (assuming I already know the answer and I fuck it up) or fail to ask people to explain themselves when I didn’t understand-so I don’t appear dumb. But I’m mostly gotten over that and make sure I understand something before I proceed with a task.
I’ve known some very stupid people in my life and through jobs/customers and so on. I’m sure you’re of normal intelligence, even if you have a learning disability. You should get yourself tested if you can and they can diagnose your issue and offer a good remedy.
I forgot to add, I had a terrible teacher in my grade 13 class for calculus, the main reason I dropped the course (and took it again in summer) but also as mentioned my brain was fried and I was sick of school by then.
Also while you might have bad teachers, you should probably consider a career in something where you can excel at-assuming you have a true mental deficiency that prevents you from being a doctor for example. A close relative of mine had a bad experience with a teacher who turned her off to math so she chose a career in literature and went on to do a PhD.
By the way-don’t forget that people thought Einstein was mentally deficient/retarded and ‘slow’ in high school, he went on to create a revolution in the physics world. I’ve read his work, rather I should say ‘tried’ to, the main truly is a genius. He also has double the neurons of most people in the area of the brain responsible for math. So don’t count yourself out yet. 🙂
I sympathize greatly with you, someday_sinking, as I have had the same problem in life since gradeschool. I failed math every year since the fourth grade but worked my ass off my last three years of high school with a teacher literally working every problem out with me. And it isn’t just math either; like you said, even just people explaining things can be extremely hard to grasp for whatever reason. I know I, and you for that matter, are not stupid. We just have thought processes that differ from the “average” person and yes, suffer for it because people are cruel. I have never been formally diagnosed with a learning disability or anything that can account for this downfall because people don’t take me seriously when I mention it and I am tired of doctors and diagnosing. I will have never shared this with anyone close to me but one of the main reasons I dropped out of college was because I was failing and failing to keep up with professors. This is why I have no future. I am ashamed at my “stupidity” and my problems. I don’t understand people. They are foreign to me. And they don’t understand me. The problem is that they react like the rest of the world when it doesn’t understand something, with a lack of empathy and a cold shoulder.
You guys are not alone. I too suffer the same problem. I just post on here about it. I understand you on that. I dropped outta college too because of outside distractions and my circumstance. I don’t go crazy and tell everyone off the gate that have learning problems. they don’t take me serious or they don’t really have a solution to it. I don’t think anyone with this type of problem is weak or a coward, because they want to kill themselves. I find it very ballsy to commit suicide when you’re not happy at all. I think about killing myself every fucking day of my life. You’re not alone. The solution so far to this problem? Commit Suicide.
From what you’ve described it sounds to me like you have some traits of Autism. I personally am Autistic and can relate to a lot of things you are describing. I know this was posted over 3 years ago but i thought i’d reply anyway.