God reached his hands down from the sky
God asked Noah if he wanted to die
He said “No Sir! Oh no Sir!”
God said, “Well then, here’s your future; it gonna rain”
then He flooded the land and He set it on fire
He said “fear me you fool, and know I’m your father,
remember that no one can breath underwater”
then God told his son it’s time for a boat,
He promised Noah would’nt die all alone,
“I need you to pay for the sins I create”
his son said “i will, but dad i’m afraid!”
“Well, here’s your future”
24 comments
loool im dying from laughter, water and fire — simultaneously.
Not simultaneously. First the land was fllooded, so apparently the fire was set underwater. Obviously this is underwater lava from Pangaea moving.
It’s just too bad that the dinosaurs didn’t survive on the ark because it would be cool to ride one like Jesus used to. Noah was all like “I have a couple spots but you have to share with the unicorns, griffons, manticores, and the sarlacc from Star Wars”. The dinosaurs were all like “rawr” and stuff but Noah decided to trust them.
Things were okay for a while but one of the unicorns accidentally slipped after the ark caught a choice wave and mortally wounded a plesiosaur who had taken refuge on the vessel because underwater fire was all scary and stuff.
Everything went to hell after that and Noah had to feed them all to the sarlacc. They were all like “don’t do it bro! That’s my sister bro! Why did you just save me and my sister bro? You know what that means bro? You’re fucking sick bro.”. But either Noah had enough crap in his ears from monkeys flinging feces at him or he had been listening to too much talk radio because he fed them all to the sarlacc on the condition that he would help her create a media empire one day.
And that’s how Oprah got her big break. All because of God being all demonstrative and stuff with his underwater fire.
The moral of the story kids is it is not nice to show off. It takes the awesome out of the world.
hehe
Wow. This really made my night, you’re very clever. Thanks 🙂
yeah….that was pretty clever….wish i’d thought of it first!
My mind is all over the place sometimes. One day Bisban and I should have a conversation.
Cope that would be a very interesting thing to read. 😉
Maybe. I feel like it might make everyone’s heads esplode though. Maybe then we’d become like a Bisbannie and Clyde or something and drive off a cliff. That would violate the rules of the site. ;p
Of course I’m naturally like this. I have no idea what that guy is on. He must listen to a lot of Phil Collins. That would do it.
Maybe God made it rain gasoline, then he threw a match down from heaven.
He works in mysterious ways, you know, plus he’s filled with love. He probably figured that burning people alive is kinder than drowning them.
dude, locusts, nazis, people who fuck with twitter, and religious people; they’re all just followers….i’m not religious, i dont believe in God, i wish i could, people who do always say what a comfort it is, n how theraputic to be able to just give it up to god, to know he’s got some higher plan…..i think it’s farcicle…..but, i secretly wish, if he were real, he’d make house calls, or at the very least, you could petition the lord with prayer, morrison says that’s ridiculous, n i concur, but the idea of sharing a beer with jebus, or God stopping by just cause he was in the neighborhood, garners a chuckle from time to time
my post is a poem i’m fucking around with it’s ment as an allegory; using “vehicular” metaphors…..
like my thoughts often flutter round and round about death, and how to go about it….i’ll go to sleep wishing, nay, praying, not to wake up in the morning…and nothing happens….so my future from here looks pretty stormy….so i tried to tie these 2 opposing thoughts to a well known fable….obvious failure….suprise! more shitty poetry on a site for sad people….
Sorry. I wasn’t meaning that as poking fun at you. I’m rarely malicious in any way (unless I’m driving :p). If you were typing your vehicular metaphors while driving, then grrrr…might have to feed you to the sarlacc too.
I actually think religion is quite interesting, albeit from a more sociological or historical perspective so feel free to weave your words away, just not while driving and preferably not in a “Jesus will save you” way because religion doesn’t work for everyone.
But hey, we’re all imaginary friends here on SP so…wait, hold on, this jerk in front of me keeps texting and driving…
dude! fuck you! no offense was taken AT ALL….that shit was hilarious…..i’m not that good of a writer so i think between the 2 of us, i’d be the one owing you an apology for posting it somewhere you could inadvertly read it without a warning lable on it first!
wouldnt all animals (the ones that were spared from the jaws of the star wars thingy” be all inbred? and shouldnt we all be as well?? twice over? first by adam and steve, or whatever that slut’s name was n then all their progeny were inbred, including Noah….so that would mean we are all exponentially more genetically flawed each generation…..how come there arent more people with claws or ears on their knees? i’m feelin a bit decieved…..if one of u godless fucks (that would be all of us here rite? don’t wanna offend anyone) starts tryin to tell me santa clause isnt real i mite just off myself here n now
Oh Santa is quite real. He and all his elves were begat somewhere in Genesis I believe. They just went to the North Pole to get away from Phil Collins because he is afraid of polar bears. The man loves his Coca-Cola. I mean, Phil Collins? What more proof of inbreeding do you need. That and us all being here on this site all mentally unable to deal with ourselves (or with what the world has done to us). I mean, with all the solo begatting, you’d think men would be able to live without women and people would be able to live without Santa Claus. Sigh.
also, cope, yall jus be needin ta git rite wit jebus!!!! Pays (oops i done ment praise) ‘th lord AMEN….and all that jazz (LOL)
p.s. isnt solo begatting a formal way of saying jack off? i think i’m gonna steal that term from ya
Umm, yeah, I guess… :p
And yeah, “pays” the Lord all right. They need the money I hear. The Pope with all his bling sitting in his crib can’t afford whenever his priests get in the confession booth to finish up with aboy…erm, uh, I mean, amen.
oh dear…
Nope, can’t get right with Jesus. Sorry. Interesting fellow. Interesting ideas. Just not for me. Besides I’m far too old for any priest to care about me…
I mean, after you’re an adult, you just come and pray at the church, but when you’re young, you are preyed and cu…I can’t finish that line…so bad…I need to be quiet before I get myself in trouble.
dude, i love ya….funny as hell for a sad person….fuck jesus, ur alright by me
Is that a Bob Dylan song. I just googled it and can’t find it, but those words sure do sound familiar.
the thermals!!!!!!! that’s the song it’s from…..some of it anyways…i’m not a TOTAL plagerist tho, Dorrance publishing house has taken an intrest in me…i wrote this thing about virginia woolfe called the Pitfalls of the Avid Rock Collector….they just want it as an option so i’m not ready to sell yet……i pitched them an idea about that chic who got turned into a Pilliar of Salt, and her life thereafter……after googling a pilliar of salt the thermals popped up…..you prob know this from the show WEEDS maybe??? they ended an episode with it…..good memory…and props for calling me on it
I’ll throw my two cents in and I don’t self mutilate unless ya want to call accepting and living day to day self mutilation? I wonder if people cut and self-harm as a way to stop “thinking”. When you feel the pain, which is happening RIGHT NOW, in the moment all thinking about past or future is stopped. All your mental self abuse stops for as long as the physical pain exists. Toss that out there.
I think you got the wrong thread there buddy. Or maybe you didn’t…
i do, and you could consider it that way, i’ve yet to find a better way to keep myself “away” from myself….also when you feel the scars on the inside it helps to physically manifest them…it’s not real untill i can see it…every scar has a story to tell self inflicted or not… but i think tweezing your legs mite make life a bit harder fer ya, the other kids on the playground would probably make fun of you havin no hairs……..it’s a double standard i guess….for instance i think i’d look great with a goatee, but what would the neighbors say????