So.. I’m officially homeless homeless. I was already homeless but at least I had a motel room but now I don’t even have that. Of course this happens the day it snows and just as it’s about to be -12 outside. Negative twelve degrees fahrenheit. I don’t EVER remember it being that cold here. Adding insult to injury, my sciatica pain is off the charts today AND my period just started which is always extremely painful, to the point of throwing up and passing out.
I do love how pretty the snow is but even that is making me sad. It sucks being so completely alone.
I just HATE how it’s just one thing after another when it comes to my life. As far back as I can remember it’s been one beat down after the next. I can’t even get up and dust myself off before I’m hit again. And I dont get hit lightly, I get hit hard, every time.
I’m not trying to sound like a whiney little *****, I just don’t have anyone to talk to.
5 comments
I think is important for you. This moment, all this pain. It figures like, if you have not posted this little piece of your life here, I wouldn’t have a chance to think about how can a person live through this. You know, I think that is all this blog is about, reaching a world beyond our limited one. I don’t think I would be able to pass such a situation like yours. And I don’t have any response to this. I would only have this: thank you, I hope you don’t die, because is so much better to see a human getting through these harsh situations than to see them carried away by it. It just don’t make sense to me. For some reason I just want to believe in the possibility that you can win.
I’m sorry your dealing with this. I don’t know where you are but please find a shelter. If you can’t then goto the ER and they can help. You don’t need to be in -12 outside. You don’t sound winey. You have a lot on your plate. I’m glad you are posting here instead of harming yourself. Please get out of the cold.
I can handle the cold, it’s the situation in general that I can’t take. At this point I’m just ready to give up. I have no will whatsoever anymore and honestly I’ve never been more ready to hang it up. It’s now just all a matter of how and when.
I can’t stay in a shelter, my anxiety and ptsd does not permit it.
Thanks for commenting.
If you can’t stay in a shelter then please go to the ER and stay warm. They can’t turn u away. With all you have been through, you’re stronger than you may feel. It’s extremely hard being homeless. I have been there both as an infant and 2 times as an adult.
Have you been going to the local churches and outreach programs in your area? If not I would try those first cause they can start you on the path towards recovery. There are programs for homeless people out there, it just takes will and time to find them.
Maybe things are different in your area but over here the er will definitely turn me away if nothing is wrong with me. Although I do have a pneumonia right now so I guess that’s something.
None of the churches say they can do anything. I’ve tried social services and they’ll only put me in a shelter.
Regardless though, I’ve tried and tried far too much in life to get nowhere and actually keep trying. Is that not the definition of insanity? To do the same things over and over again expecting a different outcome? So essentially it would quite literally be insane for me to continue living. I’m exhausted anyway, far beyond the amount of exhaustion any human being should be able to survive.