I mean, like really, this is a joke.
I am 16. 16 damn it. I used to dream of how awesome my life would be at 16. This is just ridiculous .
I find no pleasure at anything. My friends are just people that I hanged out with at some point in my life and our friendship dragged out, people that I have come to absolutely despise. I despise pretty much anyone my age really. Everyone is so happy or relaxed or something, as if life is a fun little game.
I have some very firm beliefs : Suicide is stupid , but more importantly , it’s a way out, it’s giving up. And I wont give up, that I can promise. But really , this is not how any of this was supposed to be. My best friend attempted suicide at 13, and from then on every single thing in my life has crumbled to pieces . My grades are great, but I couldnt care less about that. I dont like the people I hang out with and I cant make new friends due to my inabillity to trust people.I feel vain and empty, I feel like none of all this matters .
The only thing that excites me is traveling , and I probably wont travel anywhere till I am 60 , so there goes that.
Why ? Why is this happening ?
when did it come to be such a joke? growing up watching movies with happy teens and all that and thinking we will be happy as well?
2 comments
Okay, I feel like you just described me. Minus the best friend suicide thing but plus tons of books and TV shows, you basically just described me.
True, I probably can’t relate to exactly what you’re you’re going through, but I’m 16 and I can talk if you want to. Though from the view you (and I I suppose) have on friendship, you probably won’t want to.
Anyway, hang in there. A purpose will come along eventually with your name on it.
nah , you feel me well enough. That’s another part that sucks , the books-shows part: I used to binge watch everything. I loved doing it. This year, I have had no time to watch pretty much anything. It took me 2 months to finish OITNB(a 2 season show with 10-12 episodes or smth in each season). And when night comes I am so tired I dont even have the strength to read my book.
Anyway, its like you said it. A purpose, a reason to keep going. Thats what I’ve lost. Thaks for the help !