So. I posted here earlier and I got one comment that really didn’t help. It’s been a weird day for me and quite frankly I’m done. I decided that this Saturday I will loll myself. I failed out of college. My parents won’t talk to me because I told them I was gay. The only person who brings me happiness is my boyfriend. But he deserves someone much better than me. I gave him a ring already. But he can find someone better. He’s a great guy who can make anyone laugh. I have faith.
I have rope and handcuffs. There is a hook I have installed into my house and I devised a pully system that will make me dangle about a foot off the ground. I will put the cuffs on my wrist so incase my neck doesn’t snap. I can’t try and set myself free. I’m sorry. If anyone reads this they pleads for my life will be useless. I posted on here earlier today and it wasn’t seen. So I doubt this will be seen too.
9 comments
I thought about self-strangulation too…you hear about people dying from scarfing, choking, hanging, etc….but then I’ve also read that sometimes people can live for hours if it’s botched or even days. Then you end up living with all kinds of terrible medical conditions, including brain damage.
I’ve experienced choking a few times in my life. If you don’t panic, the loss of air doesn’t really bother you that much I’ve found. I came close to death I’m sure…I think I was also close to blacking out but fortunately I didn’t because I don’t want my death to be undignified or embarrassing.
Anyhow good luck with whatever approach you take but do your research so you don’t mess it up. Also at least you have a boyfriend, which can help you in your difficult times…so what if you flunked out of college, it’s not the end of the world. There are people who didn’t get higher education but still did well in life. I have a great degree, yet I’m working (for now) in a low-end office job. The degree so far did nothing for me…but I plan to upgrade my career soon.
Only you know your life best but I think you have some good things going for you. Nothing wrong with being gay either-I’m bisexual. If you were terminally ill, paralyzed, had serious mental issues, then I’d probably feel ending your life is better….but in your case I think you still have good reasons to keep living but it’s ultimately your choice.
While I apologize that my cousin moment didn’t help, I think the premise stands. Giving up at 21 simply isn’t the answer. While those are around you now may be giving you grief, they won’t always be around you. I’m not sure what you’re looking for here. Sadly, it seems as though you’ve made your decision. While others, including me, can suggest alternated plans of actions, it appears that you seem committed to one plan of action. For someone at 21, that’s regretful. I hope you carefully think about things, seek help, and find your peace.
*Cousin moment = comment
Gotta love auto-correct on mobile
I was wondering what that ‘cousin moment’ meant….lol
lol. I try to catch all the bad auto-corrects but a few slip through. Then it gets published and I’m like UGH!
Dude cmon listen to urself…dont u think ur being way to over emotional so what. Fuck it dude live free and happy what is it u need. Dude parents can be assholes 2… most of the time they dont undertsand and most of time they never will. U really gotta look the world and everyone in it, and all there views n rules and say fuck u im me if u dont like it fuck off and die!
I hope you change your mind. My daughter took her life 8 months ago .she was gay. We didn’t care. Her Gf died unexpectedly and she couldn’t cope but we didn’t recognize the seriousNess of her lack of coping mechanisms. You may not think so but your life has meaning and if you choose to end it, the consequences will be devastating to more people than you can ever comprehend. Please change your mind. I care.
please envision, a forlorn, despondent soul climbing through your screen, this would be me, btw, ok- i’m climbing through, expending the little energy I have, just to shake you!!!
I read both your posts and TWICE you glossed over the most significant, powerful, and hands down the most enviable aspect of your life-
1…. i have a boyfriend that makes me very happy
2. …my boyfriend brings me happiness
thats everything! that’s your will, your motivation, your driving force… if you can’t be better for you, which is something most of us here probably struggle with, be better for him. If you still have the capacity to feel joy, then that rope does not have your name on it yet, I think your stuck here with the rest of us for a bit longer.
we all have our own threshold of pain, i do not judge, only you know the extent to which you can endure, but sometimes, when we pick apart our lives and inspect it, PARTICULARLY, during times of consistent or chronic physical pain (car accident injuries) we focus mostly on the dark aspects of our existence – which totally makes sense as you are in a dark place already, stemming from the car accident – but take a step back (so freakin hard, i know) look at what you missed!!!
A therapist once told me that it is just as important to love as it is to allow yourself to be loved… sorry for the cheese factor – but i think i see that playing out in your case. Allow your boyfriend the kindness of loving you. Your parents? Fuckem!! Some of us did not win the parent lottery, I am with you there. School? Please… unless you were pre med or law, you still have many options.
From the heart… I only preach, I do not do, happy is a concept i recall vague moments of, i only live to survive so if you have access to happy… well, damn, hang on that. The rope can be kept for later-
I hope you heed DisposableGrl’s comment – having someone in your life that you love and makes you happy is something that many, many people would envy. The situation with your parents is unfortunate, but sometimes people – especially those from previous generations – don’t understand how to deal with something such as their child being gay. It doesn’t mean things will be this way between them and yourself forever. As far as your boyfriend “deserving better,” I’m sure he would disagree and would be devasated by your death.
I hope you carefully consider the route you choose. Best wishes.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)