Road to nowhere

I cannot take it anymore .Whenever i close my eyes, at any time of day/night ,i see all these horrifying pictures of blood and violence on myself.Im haunted by  monstrous bloody images of flesh and death.It lasts for approximately  week or two, non-stop ,i hardly sleep more than 4 hours a night then.When it passes ,i always get painfully numb.It goes round and round. I cannot do this anymore,i need to cut,i need to die,i don’t deserve to be here i shouldn’t be here.Sorry im so weak i need to write it here instead of just finishing with that agony.I can’t kill myself because it will only bring problems and grief to others.Im stuck in repetitive circle of horror where no fucking escape is possible.Simply,i am a failure.