What if its God’s plan?

I hope I don’t sound like a “holy roller” and I don’t mean to offend anyone, but a year ago, I suffered a loss that I felt was punishment for my vanity.  Afterwards, I told God in my prayers, that if he would grant me two things, I would die to atone for the things I’ve done (and haven’t done).   First, that he would help my son pass the rigorous physical and medical tests to be awarded an ROTC scholarship, and second, that he give me more time with my elderly pet.    My son started ROTC last fall, and a year later, my pet is still hanging in there, but I know time is running out.   I’ve already completed several steps of my plan, including buying a burial plot, pre-planning the funeral, putting a deposit on my headstone, and writing all my letters (all without my wife’s knowledge).    But then, I was stunned when another poster here, rea3366 apparently carried out his plan to die before New Years, as he hasn’t posted since, and did not reply when I left a post asking if he was still here.    I started having second thoughts.   Since then, my wife initiated having our wills updated, and with other seeming co-incidences, it seems I’m being gently pushed to follow through with my plan.   I’ve visited hundreds of suicide sites and general forums in the last year, and the religiously-themed ones will tell you that God does not want you to kill yourself, but with all that has occurred and near daily reminders of why I made that decision, I guess I’ve come to believe that this is God’s plan for me.  Does anyone else feel the same way?