I think about it all the time……killing myself. I’m in a abusive, manipulated, horrible relationship. I am 31 and female. My common law husband is 43, so we are many years apart. He is horrible to me. He plays mind games with me all the time, manipulates every situation that he can with me. He makes me feel horrible about myself and he thinks he is better than anyone.
Because of all this I want to kill myself. I just can’t take this pain anymore. I can’t leave cuz I do love him, but at the same time I can’t take his shit. I feel like I can’t live without him. Thats what makes it so very hard.
I tryed to comit this act before. Pills, ropes, just didn’t succeed. I don’t know if I have the guts to do it. I want to starve myself so I end up in the hospital and maby just maby he will realize what hes doing to me.
3 comments
That’s not good to hear. Mind games are cancerous. I know I was sincere in my feelings…I wanted my partner to raise any issues with me and somehow assure him that any obstacle had a solution, that everything he wanted was totally possible and worked towards that with plans and made sure he knew he was special to me…the real deal.
This is why my wife left me. Im so sorry that you are going through this. He probably has no idea why he is acting the way he is, and I bet je blames it on you. This is because he secretly knows he is a monster and cannot take the shame for himself. Make him get help or leave. You disappear for a few days, and he will go. More importantly get some counseling yourself, being hurt by your lover and protector must be so hurtful and confusing. These are things men like us cannot grasp until the illusion of being normal is shattered by the reality of what we have let ourselves become. It will not get better by itself. Something must change.
just get the fuck outta there. do you want to die? truly. ask urself. no? then get ur ass outta this situation cuz it’ll drive u to death.