Have you called a suicide hotline? What was your experience?

I think that suicide lines have their best chance of working for suicidal teens, and even then I’m not certain it will be lastingly effective. To use a tired analogy, they’re like a band-aid. They’ll help with a pinprick that happens to draw blood, but don’t expect them to cover gaping wounds. For some people (especially if the person is older than a teen), they may even do harm.

Without getting too specific, for people of any age it’s more likely for suicide lines to be useful if the person is going through a single, discrete instance of emotional trauma. If the trauma is related to a life situation that is ongoing or serial in nature, if the person isn’t even sure why they feel that way, or if the person feels “judged” by society (more common in adults but can also be true for severely bullied kids!), suicide lines are not likely going to be enough, imho.

One major reason for this is that you get a different person every time you call. So unless it’s a done deal after one call, not only do you have to start over in order to get them up to speed– unduly exhausting for someone already exhausted with life– but you have no guarantee that the person you get each time is going to be a good match of person to speak to you.

Getting a good or “bad” (none will will truly be “bad,” since they all mean well, but you know what I mean) match can be a big deal too. Sadly, the factors that increase the likelihood of someone being a good match to talk to are the very same factors that decrease the likelihood of a person being in the position of needing to call a help line at all. In most mainstream literature from mental health organizations and self-help materials alike, you will see– at best– a passing mention that people of all ages and incomes can face these problems. This is true. But it’s also true that you’re far, far more likely to face such troubles, the poorer, the older, and the more socially isolated you are. If you come from a different culture than the mainstream one where you’re living, you’re apt to face barriers where people can’t/don’t want to relate to you (or validate your lived experience) as well. As a result of giving the impression that everybody is “equally” affected by these problems, the most vulnerable individuals aren’t targeted with the kind of care they actually need, but with a generic sort of “one size fits all” version.

All of that said, one good thing suicide lines have going is that their staff always know not to condemn suicidal people, or try to guilt them into living for other people’s sake instead of finding their own reason to live. That alone is a reason I still might recommend them over talking to one’s own family/friends, unless the person happen to know already exactly the kind of care they *deserve* to receive, AND have a family/friends who are uncommonly empathetic and non-judgmental. (And again, such a person isn’t as likely to be suicidal anyway.) For a lot of people, it might be the first time they encounter someone who doesn’t guilt them for daring not to be overjoyed to be alive.