Well today my girlfriend left me. I have issues with crippling depression quite often, and even though I have been medicated several times, nothing works. I have been thinking about this for a long time now and I’m not sure if I should do it or not. When I think about suicide I am contempt, I just have accepted it as how I want to go. I think of it as something that is just going to happen to me, as an inevitability. Anyway My girlfriend doesn’t love me anymore, even though I have done everything in the world for her, and with her. I moved to Florida with her when I barely knew her against my parents will. I then spent the entire summer living with her and her family. She had told me before hand that all of them were actually insane, but I didn’t really believe it. It was true, after her mom punched her in the face leaving me to care for her, even though we ran away with only a phone, wallet, and a shirt and shorts (No shoes) I stayed. I had the choice to go back to Colorado whenever I wanted, and my parents really wanted me to come back too. Anyway long story short, she doesn’t love me anymore. And shes with some new guy. I am completely alone, 100% My parents don’t take my pleas for help seriously at all. And even if they did they are the last people in the world I would actually like help from. I can’t tell them that I am on the verge of death, because they would have me committed in a second, and that is the last thing I want. Anyway I feel like i’m on a sort of Tirade now so I’ll get to my point. I want to kill myself, I don’t know of anything else to do. I’ve planned on using the “helium hood, or exit bag, suicide bag” etc… method but I’m not really sure where to start. I’m pretty broke, but i’m sure that I could muster up some cash for equipment. I had a climbing partner a few years back that did this and well it… worked. Any advice on gathering supplies, what its like, helping myself, really anything? The only other options I see are going to the top of one of my favorite nearby climbing routes and getting up, and then just leaning back and letting papa gravity do all the work, or maybe just sticking my AR at the base of my 1st and 3rd cervical vertebrae and giving it a good squeeze, or maybe even a warm bath blood extravaganza of melancholy, anxiety, and last but not least complete and utter hopelessness. Anyway if any of you fine gentle men and or gentle ladies feel like doing me a favor, some tips on exit bags, anything really would be greatly appreciated. And just for some more info: I have a car and a garage, about 660 meters of climbing rope, several firearms and ammunition to boot, and a good old fashion pill cabinet. Any other methods I’m not hearing about? Thanks everyone, This is my real “last best hope” sort of thing I guess. And sorry If I offend anyone, I’m not looking to start any arguments. Anyway thanks for the help. 🙂 (update): she’s choosing between me and some other guy. She wants to be with him. And abandon me completely. So now I’m going to do it. You guys helped, but I just can’t do this anymore. Peace guys.
4 comments
I’m not going to start arguments here and i’m not going to tell you what to do. But what i’m going to do is tell you that in here we are not allowed to discuss methods, so i don’t think you’ll get the help you are looking for.
I do recommend you taking a bit of time to process things before doing something rashly. I know how it feels to be left by that person after doing sacrifices along the way (and screwing up your life by doing so), and i also know how it feels to struggle with depression along that… and it’s no easy feat, i was on the same place you are at right now. But i think the last thing you want to do is allow someone who didn’t value you be the catalyst of your demise. In my case i allowed some time to deal with things and see what i really wanted.
As i see it i will end up taking my life in the future anyways, but when i do it, i’ll do it for me, not for someone who ditched me just because things got tough. Maybe something will make you change your mind if you give it a bit of time, maybe you could try to patch things with your family. You wouldn’t have done the same to her right? In any case i wish you good luck, and hang in there, i know how heartbreaking that situation is. Oh and sorry for the long reply, haha.
Thank you very much, it was great to know that someone is kinda in the same boat as I am, I don’t know what I’m going to do in the end. I just know that I can’t stay like this. Anyway I don’t want to pleat on like a dying sheep, so thanks for the reply. I appreciate it very much.
I know life is tough. It is for me too. I have felt similar feelings but listen, don’t hurt yourself. Life can be a B**** but why hurt YOU over the world’s crazy schemes??? Take time to look for something to do, see, distract you from your pain.
I am wishing the best for you!
P.S… I know that leaving this crazy world can feel like a release- a revenge on the world. But it is a revenge onto YOU. Find the real you- keep looking till you find what you want to live for.
I can’t give you suggestions on suicide methods but If you want someone to listen to you, I can do that. I had to go through something similar with my ex so I’m all ears if you want to. My email is in the comments page. Good luck, I hope your situation eventually improves.