Over time I have become hopeless. Random times during the day I realize how much I hate and do not want to stay in this world. I scream inside my heart miserably. Therapist once told me to find something that would make me want to live, to work, and to enjoy Earth. Pretty obvious advice from her.
It has been a while. I have not found that “thing”. I never had that thing. I am scared I will never have that thing.
The reason I am posting this. To express my feelings, since nobody seems to care in my social circle. To try and find the light(cliche af, bear with me), the reason to be alive. Please help me find it.
If I don’t find that “thing”, I will either end myself, or will slowly die physically. I am already dead inside.
Social anxiety, no job due to it. Sparkling faces of others and constant failure that my mind can no longer handle. Being unable to form relationships. Imagine a guy who can not say “hi” to his acquaintances. That’s me. Sometimes I have little panic attacks. This is little too much for my abilities. Everything is very grey. Screaming dullness and suffering.
I really hope someone responds. Or else I will be run out of ideas. That’s it.