i am worried that some people on here are trolling this site looking for the vulnerable. rest assured i am strong. yet in pain. i am so lonely right now. i made the mistake of calling my parents’ home. my mother is heavily into gaslighting and loves to confuse my mind. i screamed at her called her a name left a nasty message for them both and then fell into some guilt. now i dont care. i would give anything not to be this person anymore, hanging on by a thin thread. the agony of alone can destroy you. sick of the gd voices but resigned now to them. as if my entire life was meant to push me to the wall and punish me trap me leave me no hope of escape blame me life can truly be so cruel, agonizing, and wretched as to be unbelievable, my parents have been extremely cruel to me my whole life. sick fucking people. i hope when they die they know all the pain they caused me, experience it as i did. he is a criminal and so is she. i am tired of being the one damned for their insane sin read secret survivors by e. sue blume.
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I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve been through; you know the truth about what happened, you must hold onto it and know you’re not to blame but are the victim. That you have suffered this vile thing and continue to suffer the consequences there after while the perpetrator remains without any remorse, that’s the cruellest, most revolting thing. There’s little more I can say silvermoon, just want you to know I’ve read your post.
thank you for your very kind words, they helped me a lot today. he has no remorse. he isnt capable of it. thank you.
i know the book- it started with me when i was 4 by my stepfather’s 20some year old son. my mom was not fit to be a parent, she couldn’t even take care of herself, but even so, she ignored it. locked herself in her room for days, my stepdad worked out of state, so it left me and …. the antichrist? you know, for years i blocked this from memory, i even attempted suicide for the first time in 4th grade (kid stuff- i didn’t know what i was doing then) but aside from hating my mother, i couldn’t even say what was wrong with me-
i read somewhere that if you experience something tragic as a child, when your brain is still developing that it changes you physically… scrambles everything up like we don’t view the world like everyone else does after that- makes sense
i moved out of my moms in high school and i try to stay away but sometimes, like you, i get this glimmer of hope that she’ll be different- so i call… nope- same fucking *****!!
i don’t know how we can get fixed- if its possible even. how do you fix being a human dumpster?
you’re not alone- not in spirit anyways… sadly there are a lot of us out there
(i’m sorry- i have to say, it is a huge difference when its ones own parent- so much worse i imagine, my heart goes out to you,,,)