May 21, 2013 was the first time I self-harmed. I was a freshman in high school, and the final grades of the year were coming out soon. My mom was furious that I had 3 F’s, but it was just because I missed school from being sick. I had gone to my classes and got all 3 grades changed to an A earlier in the day, but she didn’t let me talk, so I couldn’t tell her. My mom didn’t want to yell at me in front of her mom who was living with us, so she took me outside to the porch and started screaming at me. She used her favorite insults: stupid, worthless, *****, rude, and basically said I wouldn’t amount to anything. I was crying so hard, and she just sat there looking at me. Then she yelled at me to stop crying, and stormed into the house and slammed the door. She left me outside crying. I ran upstairs to my bathroom and took all the blades out of my razor. I locked myself in my room and cut myself like 40/50 times. It was a mess, and I was so scared. The weird thing is, was I felt like I deserved it. I still feel like that. I feel crazy.
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gymnast67 ,
stop hurting yourself! everybody is crazy, the world is crazy, the only thing your doing is hurting yourself, why? that doesn’t help you, deal with the crazy world! you can’t change it, but you can think of yourself! you are what really matters, it’s your life do what you want, pursues your dreams.
Reminds me of my mom :/ My mom is actually the reason for my first cut too. I didn’t have that same feeling of feeling like I deserved it though, I knew I didn’t. But I just needed a way to express that pain that she caused me.
ALostShadow,
we all been there I understand what your talking about, I’ve hurt myself so………… many times, but it never got me what I was looking for, people don’t empathize with you, they only care about themselves , instead of sounding a cry of help, help yourself.
I am, that’s why I cut… It gets me what I’m looking for, a release.
ALostShadow.
can’t say it doesn’t, our minds are very tricky, I just wish that people didn’t hurt themselves.
I started selfharming at young age to help me cope with stuff I was going through. I’m 16 now, almost 17, and I still selfharm. I don’t do it because I want people to give me their pity, I do it because I want to, and I feel it helps me. I got caught when I was 14 so I did it elsewhere on my body. Noone knows and I like to keep it that way. I’m not literally hurting anyone but me, so why is it such an issue?
May 21st 2013 was my 18th birthday
Wow that’s a day neither of us will forget
I never self harmed really. All my wounds are inside. I made this decision because If I self harmed I wouldn’t have enough area on my body due to all the incidents and pain throughout my life, i’d just run out of space. It was the most logical choice. Not even kidding. Plus, I really don’t like the sight of blood. I’m kind of like Samuel L. Jackson from the new movie Kingsman, if you saw that you’ll know he was this evil guy but hated the sight of blood and got sick from it lol.
Haha I did see that, but I understand. I’m glad you haven’t though. I wish I didn’t do it, but internalizing isn’t great either. You know?