So I went to a shrink today and he asked me about my dating history and said that being alone may cause loneliness. No shit, Sherlock.
I’ve been single for two and a half years, but I had trust issues before the last girl I dated and she turned out to be a cheating whore. You can’t blame me for refusing to trust anyone. The shrink said my sense of self worth would probably be better if I started dating, but I’m uglier than a Chinese Crested and I have no social skills. It’s not like I’m incapable of being alone, I’m pretty fucking good at it. In fact, I’d rather be alone than be stupid enough to trust anyone else ever again.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to be writing novels that will never be published and playing D&D and be happier than I’d be hanging out with a girl I have nothing in common with that I can’t even afford to take out anywhere.
Fucking shrinks.
9 comments
What’s D&D?
Dungeons and Dragons
There are people that don’t know what D&D is?! Okay, that’s the last straw. Life really isn’t worth living anymore.
I’m kidding clarity1987. But you sure know how to send chills up someone’s spine. 😛
She was born in 87 too! That’s unacceptable : P
D&D is probably the greatest invention of mankind, nothing helps you escape from the real world like an RPG setting designed specifically for your own group. Although I’m DMing a campaign right now and it’s really tempting to just kill off one guy that’s just trying to be a douche to the rest of the players. Also, I don’t know if you guys play it, but it’s just a relief to find more people that actually know what the game is.
I take exception to the characterization that Chinese Cresteds are “ugly” … they are, in fact, adorable and unique. Beauty is subjective and perspective and what any one person find “unattractive”, there is someone else that find that same person irresistibly attractive. More often than not, I find that a person that thinks themselves so hideous that no one would want them usually has a standard for what THEY want that automatically rejects those that actually WOULD accept them for who/what they are. SO it’s not that a person is “ugly” that leaves them alone but more their own narrow standards and requirements that reject the advances of those who would accept them and find them attractive.
More importantly through is, TRUST is NOT an “all or none” proposition. Many people make this mistake to think that if they “trust” a person in one area they are compelled to trust in ALL areas – nothing could be further from the truth. We can only trust a person in the area they’ve demonstrated they can behave in a trustworthy manner. I knew a guy I once worked with that if he made a statement regarding computer programming I could assume he was correct because he demonstrated multiple times a high proficiency and aptitude in computer programming that his word and statements were beyond reproach … but ask him to writ a letter/email and you better not trust him to write it with good grammar and spelling – the guy had about a 5th grade competency with the english language and had great difficulty using and spelling multiple syllable words, no concept of punctuation and capitalization and grammar in general was just so horrific that if he’d have sent a letter as he had written it, it would seriously damage the reputation of the company. YET – he was a BRILLIANT programmer – so he sent all his communications to me to rewrite and then we’d discuss to ensure I had captured his sentiments in proper grammatical form then he’d take MY writing and mail it with his name. This process was mandated by our superiors. (internally he could email people since most in our department “understood” his limitations)
The point and purpose for my anecdote is to demonstrate that no one is completely 100% trustworthy in every facet of their life. Why is this important? because you can interact and have relationships with people that can be trusted in certain areas while still distrusting them (until they demonstrate trustworthiness) in areas they have either demonstrated unworthiness or have yet to demonstrate any trust/distrust in an area either way. We do this every day – we lock doors, cars, we keep our cash and valuables out of sight of public view even though we KNOW the preponderance of people would NOT take our things. We do this simply because we don’t know who is around us or whether they are trustworthy on any level.
The more we get to know someone and the more we experience their behavior and actions in certain circumstances mold what areas we should trust them and to what degree – we may give someone $10 to go to the store for us, but not $10,000 to to buy us a car
My point is – levels of trust and specific areas of trust. To blindly give anyone 100% trust in everything is naive and unrealistic. Yet when we are growing up as children, we are dependent on blindly trusting the adults around us to make sound decision for our well being – but as we mature to adulthood, we need to grow a healthy skepticism and suspicion of those around us and learn ways to determine whether someone has demonstrated and earned our trust. But to blindly trust OR distrust everyone will be grossly detrimental to our lives and either leave us completely vulnerable to everything or isolated totally from everything – and that’s no way to live. Thankfully, there is a wide middle ground where we can live comfortably.
Trust but verify dawg
Agree to disagree on the Chinese Crested, and the most important thing to me about any girl that I’ve dated before is that they’re intelligent. For the last couple of years the only girls that have shown any interest in me have been unbearably stupid. I may not be the brightest guy, but if I can feel my brain cells commit mass suicide whenever someone opens their mouth, I’m not going to spend any time with them.
And the trust isn’t about trusting them 100% in any area, it’s that I am incapable of trusting that someone will not end up hurting me in the end. I’ve always been a fan of that saying, but I can’t verify anything without risking more pain and the risk, in my own personal opinion, isn’t worth it.
Fair enough re: Chinese Crested … I like their uniqueness but I’m a Shih Tzu/Pit Bull guy 😛 My larger point was basically different people like different things and that everyone looks for, and is attracted to qualities other than outward appearance. I think we can agree to agree on that much.
In fairness to some people – in potentially vulnerable situation like expressing interest, some people can be nervous and tense and fumble with words and ideas in ways that don’t accurately reflect their true selves where if they were in a more comfortable/secure(feeling) environment they’d shine … I can’t tell you how many times i’ve replayed a discussion later and wanted to bash my own head with a brick for some of the silly and daft things I said that I know SO much better than to say.
Regarding trust and hurt – I think this basically boils down to expectations … generally I tend to be skeptical of everyone despite tacitly trusting people to act appropriately so although I may “hope” they will do the right thing, I’m never surprised when they do not … I expect them to fail and therefore I am always pleasantly surprised and appreciative when they act nobly. Perspective is key – if you expect people to do the mistrustful things you’re never disappointed and most usually prepared. To me, there is little down side and huge up side since even the most nominal positive behavior is better than the expected negatives behaviors.
Granted, that negative behaviors are disappointing but since they are expected from the outset, they are rarely painful … only the most heavily invested relationships with loooong histories of positive behaviors become somewhat painful when these people act negatively/mistrustful, but then I learn the lesson and limitation as to the level of trust I can give and reduce expectations accordingly. case in point – one of my best friends I once caught screwing my first wife. She was a drunk (still is decades later) and he is/was/will always be a known and proven manslut – I knew this so it really should not have been much of a surprise. After a couple years of estrangement from my friend and in the interim divorcing that wife, my friend and I reconciled – but of course I am ALWAYS careful about introducing him to anyone I may have interest in or even letting on that I have interest in anyone in particular lest he make it a “competition” to see who can bang her first. Is it a perfect friendship – no, not by any means – but there are many areas where I KNOW he will cover my back to the death. This, to me, is worth accepting his flaws
Epilogue to the infidelity of wife/friend – I put the larger majority of blame on the wife who was the one who made the vows/agreement/commitments, my friend’s behavior was well known and documented so he was just being who he always was – although I refuse to sugar coat his past to any love interests he may have in the future should those women ask me about him – and he knows this … I also “got back” at him a few times thought to a much lesser degree – he tends to think women who are “with him” in ANY capacity are required to ONLY be “serviced” by him … yeah … OK … LOL 😛
Sorry for the long winded response – the topic brought back memories and allowed me to review how I came to my current philosophical state. I appreciate the opportunity for the exercise – the take away (hopefully) is simply to expect people to act inappropriately so you’re rarely disappointed.
reflection dawg