I’m honestly sorry anyone’s even attempting to read this load of self-pity.
Am I really just a dog? I can’t be, my family likes dogs. So what does that make me? My brother and sister both talk to me as if I were a dog. My parents stand by and either continue it, or tell me to stop being such a baby about it. I know that at the end of the day, I am nothing and furthermore that my family sees me and recognizes the same thing; I am worthless.
I’ve honestly got the best friends I could ask for, and though they don’t know it as a fact, I think some of them are beginning to catch on to my want to rid the earth of myself. I would hate to think tha I am burdening them further; I’m already hard to handle. I want to tell someone, but I suppose I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve anything good.
I’ve been having this dream lately, where my whole family gets tortured and I am left to live. This horrifies me, not because I’m scared of being alone, but because I know that I deserve that kind of death; I want that death.
I legitamately hope that everyone hates me. I desere to be hated and despised. I don’t deserve kindness, I don’t deserve happiness, and I don’t deserve this life. I am so fucking disguusting. I literally can’t even stand to be around myself, and yet somehow, I hope someone will be able to stand me. But at the same time, I don’t. I hope I die a slow, excruciating death and my life is forgotten.
I am truly sorry.