I’m almost 40, single mom, last year at this time we lost 3 family members in 3 weeks. All of them unexpected, one of them to suicide.
With my home in chaos, mess I can’t catch up on or keep up with, mice in the building, children who won’t attend school and won’t help out, a job I don’t like that doesn’t pay enough but I can’t quit because I can’t get anything else (limited availability due to kids, I don’t have a drivers licence, I didn’t graduate from college despite 4 years of classes and good grades)
my youngest son was just diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. He’s 10 and he can speak and function fairly well independently so I should be thankful that this diagnosis may be able to get us some help for his anxiety and sensory issues that incapacitate him (and the family) but help is available during the day… When I work… So what do I do? Quit my job and not be able to pay he bills? Not access the help we need because I need to work? I’m not reliable at my job anymore because of the kids missing school due to emotional issues.
Their father’s wife is dying of ALS, and their mother is mess… Who can blame them?
My familly used to help me with things but now they really can’t. My mom is getting older, dealing with the loss of my dad and with my other brothers and sisters needs, and my brothers and sisters have their own lives.
There is so much more that I haven’t written and don’t have the words
I feel like I’m losing everything and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
People say of those we lost a year ago. ” they are in a better place” so why the hell do we try so hard to stick around here? I don’t want to get up every morning and face the struggle, every moment a fight just to get someone to put socks on or something silly that should be so easy for a 10 or 13 year old but has to be a fight and then ultimately failing and taking so much time doing something so little that the. Dishes and laundry and garbage pile up to insurmountable proportions.
I’m tired.
I can’t keep going like this.
It’s too much for one person and that’s all I am, and all I have.
4 comments
Hi discouragedmom. I’m actually an online-schooled ninth grader, lol, but my own mother’s struggling. My own brother (12) was diagnosed with autism. He attempted to hang himself on several occasions…he couldn’t stand the constant beatings. He’s now living with my grandparents and doing pretty well. He’s a sort of mechanical genius.
My dad’s basically single, trying to raise three – four kids while working 84 hours a week. He gets a lot of shit from my mom’s family for being negligent, even though he’s the only one balancing the family until my mom gets out of the psyche ward and takes my toddler brother, so that I can focus on my school work rather than babysitting and cleaning. Then the divorce papers will be signed, finally.
You are a strong person…single parent trying to keep kids afloat. That’s a huge sacrifice. I’m sorry you’re so drained. Is there anyone in your family who could take the kids for a few days? Could you treat yourself or something? This probably won’t be much of a help, but still…
Sorry that your kids are acting out. Could they talk to counselors at school?
Thank you for enduring so much shit. My mother was too weak and depressed to do anything.
Are you in any sort of relationship? Maybe you don’t have the time for that…but companions can really boost your outlook. My dad’s girlfriend saved him from going completely ballistic with alcohol/suicide.
Bye for now, I have a Lit Test to complete. Good luck with your life.
Thank you.
One of them does speak to a counsellor, the other has refused so far but has made an appointment with the school child and youth worker for tomorrow (if she goes… I hope she does)
I try to do things to keep myself going, but at this point it’s a battle between so many things needing my attention that I feel guilty when I take time to do that things that keep me going.
I’ve got to make it until July. Usually in July they go to stay with their father for a bit and I have some time to recuperate. I can’t count on that this year though with his wife’s illness. It will depend on how they are coping and if they can make the trip to come get the kids.
I’m pretty good at keeping up appearances. People outside of my home thing I am superwoman.
I’m not.
But I’m still breathing,
Sorry I don’t have a lot of encouragement to say, I’m just caught up on your youngest son’s diagnosis. One of my best friends has Asperger’s and, although it can be hard on him, he’s made it as far as he has due to the support of his mother, his sister, and a few close friends. He’s going to school for some kind of physics and robotics thing I didn’t even know existed. Another friend of mine’s little brother was diagnosed with a very severe case of Autism and he can’t even speak the language he’s spent his whole life hearing, but he is one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. Don’t worry too much about the Autism, you said your son is able to function and that puts him miles ahead of some of the people I’ve met volunteering with friends at Special Olympic events. He probably functions better than my friend with Asperger’s did at the age of 10 (my friend couldn’t be within 5ft of someone other than his mother or sister), so don’t let the diagnosis scare you. Your son may have a few quirks here and there, but he’ll be alright as long as he’s got a few people that care about him.
Sorry I limited my response to just one area of what you posted, but I’m completely terrible with words and that was the one area I’ve got enough experience with to say something productive about.
Anyway, just know that you aren’t alone and that even though I may not always know what to say, I’m here for you and so is everyone else on this site.
Thank you