My Life

Where do i start well first and most importantly i love my family but sometimes i feel they dont love me back.I have been having these thoughts for a while now,everything in my life is just gone wrong.For one i cant find a girlfriend but that’s mostly because deep down inside im really afraid of rejection.My sister is on dyalisis and needs a kidney,so me and my mother take of her together because my sisters father was deported a while ago and he has never took care of her and my little brother anyway.My father was brutally murdered a while ago during the week of my high school graduation,he never was in my life anyway.I really applaud my mother for doing this herself for years,but sometimes i just feel like she hates me and i dont know why?For instants everytime she is irritated when she comes home from work she takes it out on me and only me.For example if she comes home and its a piece of paper on the floor she will yell at me but be nice to my little sister or brother.I sometimes go in my room and cry like yhe oyher day she made me cry ill explain.I recently lost my job my boss fired me for some unknown reason and i had no money so my mom comes in my room and says why did i let my sister pay yhe cable bill?I told her i will give her the money back when i do my unemployment she said you need to give her some money now because thats not fair to her,i then said but i pay the bill all the time and she said i dont care so then i started cryin and i said why do you hate me so much? She then walked out the room and said jokinly why are you cryin? I then just sat there cryin and stared at the wall and said mabye she would be happy if i wasnt here anymore.So another occasion was when i was over my grandmothers house my grandmother and i were talking about my doctors visit and she said well you know that heavier people have breathing problems,i just shook my head after that comment and left.The other day when my little brother was home from school he went to go see her at her house,and she told him at least one of her grandsons love her.Just recently i had received my unemployment money and told my mom and she said oh ok thats good and i told her im going to treat myself to something because i havent been able to get myself anything for the longest because when i was working my check would go towards helping out at home.So when i told her this she said you should save your money because you dont have a job yet,i then said but i get a check every other just like if i was working.She then siad do what you want its your ,but she an attitude and i said but you and my sister go to the mall every weekend.I then said why dont you ever want anyone to have fun?