Howdy!
so this is my first post. I’ve stumbled across this site a few times but never posted. I’m currently an inpatient on line of sight in a psychiatric hospital. I’m 30, I’m a doctor and I’m married with two kids. So plenty to live for. I’ve a hold load of baggage which I’m not even going to go into.
ive been in hospital sectioned for 18 months. On Friday I nearly died. Despite being on line of sight (1:1 obs all the time) I tied a ligature to asphyxiate myself. I used a bed sheet and it was very quick. I was resuscitated and tubed on the ward then blue lighted to resus. I literally felt myself dying. It was a relief. I’m annoyed they saved me. Im writing this because I nearly ended up brain dead, I burst all the small blood vessels in my head and was bleeding out of nose, eyes and ears. I had a head ct and brain had swelled. I’m lucky I have no permanent brain damage. Yes I regret not dying but I feel selfish that I nearly left my husband with a vegetable for a wife…which would have been more of a burden that I am now. Physically I’m getting better. Suicide is not an easy way out. This year alone Ive jumped out of a window and had an open tib and fib fracture, overdosed so bad I was intubated in ITU for a week. It’s shit. I want it to be over for me and for those that love me. I’ve tried so hard. Feeling depressed and suicidal sucks.
1 comment
you’ve had it really rough. all I can say is that I feel for you and your pain, and am going through something similar. I hope you can stay strong for your family at least as best you can. Lots are in pain, lots are struggling, try to remember your not the only one struggling and it helps to talk like on this site, feel free to post more i’d say because Its comforting to know i’m not alone and that people can share their stories no matter how painful. What gives me comfort sometimes is thinking about the scope and perfection of the Universe. Knowing that no matter how much pain there is, I think we are all taken care of in the end, so I try as long as I can to muster on for now.