I’ve always had a number of acquaintances but not many close friends. Relationships have always occurred at a distance – like walking down a beach and seeing people off in the distance. People don’t seem to knock at my door -and I spend holidays alone (hate holidays). I make flippant comments to strangers – some smile, some think I’m insane. I tell my stories to grocery store clerks and baristas – a captive audience who smile but don’t ask if I’m okay. I get phone calls from telemarketers and medical receptionists – would you like to buy some gold – hello Mr Eaton your doctors appointment is tomorrow, have a nice day. I want to call them back just to hear anybody’s voice. Why is it that I feel my distance is farther than most. I have been in love but never really been loved – I don’t tell anybody because they just don’t believe. I really don’t know why I continue since I have no evidence that things will change. Last night I had this dream. I was on a swing set, like a child, watching while this girl I knew walked away with someone else. Even in unconsciousness loneliness is the scheme. She turned and waved – I woke up. Great.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
5 comments
You sound like you want to change something in your life.
I think you might want to start a new hobby, one where you are around people. I would recommend trying to find something social. You could make some friends and build relationships with new people.
Loneliness is hard stuff. “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’re gonna get what you always got.” the first step is hard when making changes.
I am like you. When I have something to say I have to go shopping to tell a check out clerk or fast fo worker. I get so lonely it is hard to face. I can talk with a few friends- if I make the call.
Like Volute5 said you have to find a way to connect with others. Find something that interests you that puts you in touch with people. For me that was hard. I had little gas money and dealing with depression makes it hard to commit if I end up overstressed and unable to do what I say I will.
But recently I found a theatre group that meets once a month! I found a friend and we had coffee.
One more thing I get frustrated is not having important people in my life. But if I search for casual friends though groups or volunteer at a non-profit… maybe deeper friendships will come.
I hope find people to connect with. Hard to do but if not now, when?
Take great care of YOU!
Yeah I know I gotta get out there or rot like corpse – thanks.
I kinda laughed at your dream because I can completely relate.
Look at the bright side, you made someone laugh because our shared misery.