In two weeks I will be, once again, living in Phoenix. I rented an apartment and bought a bed. It remains to be seen if this return after 6 months in Mexico and 3 months in Los Angeles will be any different from the last stay here (August 2013-14).
I can’t seem to drum up any real excitement. This is a financial move. I’m sure you are all tired of hearing about how I fell into this deep depression and how much I just want to have this life be over and sleeping without loneliness, depression and physical weakness.
Forgive me if I bore you all, forgive me if my story is not as dramatic as others. I just have no where else to go to to unburden the deep sadness.
A return to the desert seems most appropriate. My apartment is next to a VFW hall where they have frequent gun shows. As anti-NRA as I am, I may just buy a hand gun.
For those of you here who are young…..fight like hell to do something with your lives because if it’s all taken away suddenly, late in life…..well you are only existing, not living.
Good bye, good luck, God bless and maybe I’ll have the courage to just go to sleep in the next year.
3 comments
No you didn’t bored anyone. You didn’t bored me. All members of here including me have some deep sadness. i have also nowhere else to share my sad story. they don’t wanna listen or they will not understand and make me more miserable.
i hope you get better and you too fight like hell. Good Luck
Reading about someone else’s pain and sadness shouldn’t bore anyone. I don’t think even for a second that your problems are more or less valid than someone else’s problems. Everyone’s situation is completely unique.
Most of us here can relate to the depression and the sadness you are feeling. Suicidal thoughts are not a foreign concept here, either.
As someone who has been on the brink for endless weeks, I understand how you feel. If there is still a chance for you to improve, I sincerely hope that you do.
If you are a lost cause, like me, and it’s only a matter of time before the end, then I wish you success.
Sorry the depression hasn’t lifted yet bayareaguy. Doesn’t mean it might not though. That’s the unbearable part about this whole suicide thing. How can one ever be sure that it is all over for us, that we will never again experience joy or one of those amazing flashes of insight life can gift you with sometimes. I’m 53, so I relate to your story more than you know. I hope today holds something good for you bayareaguy.