Three weeks ago, I posted what I had hoped was the last thing I’d ever write. Fast forward three weeks and I am still here, afraid to kill myself. I know how I want to do it, I know what needs to be done to end it. I’ve lost my girlfriend, distanced myself from friends and family as much as possible, written my notes, everything is in order. Despite all these things, I am still so afraid to attempt suicide again because I am afraid to fail for a second time. I ask myself every day why I am here, why I allow myself to suffer, why I can’t end the pain and let it all go. What is keeping me here? Maybe I just deserve all the suffering. Let’s hope that I can finally end my existence on my birthday this Saturday, so any of my family and friends who still care (I hope none of them) will only have one day each year to be sad. I will not say good bye because I’ll probably panic and back out again, but I will apologize for my complaining. Enjoy your weekend everyone and thank you for taking the time to read this.