I’m forgetting him. I don’t remember what he sounded like without listening to a video. I have a faint memory of it, but it’s fleeting. I honestly think I’m going to forget him completely. I can’t do that. I mss him and I can’t stand the fact that I’m never going to see him again. I’ll never see that cute little crinkle in his nose or his weirdly thick eyelashes. His fucking blonde hair and his stupid fucking face. I wish I could feel something. I can’t tell if I’m mad at him or if I’m sad or if im just fuckedd up. He left me here. He promised that we would always fight the world together. I fucking hate him, but I fucking love him. I just feel so defeated. He’s dead and I’m still fucking breathing. I can’t even kill myself, I manage to fuck THAT up. Jesus christ. I just want him. I want to hug him and kiss him, and tell him how much of a little ***** he is, because hes MY little *****. I’m tired of waking up hungover and low.I wasn’t enough but I loved him. I loved him so much. I love him way more than I’d care to admit. I mean, come one, IM the one who’s tough and devoid of emotion. IM the one who doesn’t tell anyone how she feels. I was his opposite. We fit together awesomely. He was my support. I don’t have any other friends like that. I never told him how much I loved him, but everyone tells me he loved me the same way. Im not sure if thats better or worse but I can’t stop typing because I feel like I’m going to explode. I just miss him. I’m useless without him. He taught me how to play soccer with my useless ankle. He taught me how to draw a realistic eye. He showed me how to play COD. Everything. We did everything together. I’m sick, I know that. I’m not a fucking idiot. I honestly just want to die. I can’t breath and I just want to die.