So last week I went over to my soon to be ex-wife’s apartment to get my belongings. First time I talked to her in over a year. After trash talking me for the last year, to my surprise she was sweet as could be. And then to top things off, when I went over to pick up my son for a visit on Sunday, she came up to the car to give me a book (about God) she bought me.
She said she forgives me and only wants the best for me. She said she’s sorry things didn’t work out (which I thought was strange phrasing for a 24 year marriage). She gave me a hug as I left. Of course, the crocodile tears were falling from her eyes which is classic for her. She said I can call or email her any time, which seems odd considering the divorce will be final in a month.
Now don’t get me wrong, I would prefer to be civil with her than enemies, especially for the sake of our son. That being said, her sudden “niceness” is bewildering to me. At least when she was being a ***** I knew where I stood. After all, this is the same woman who had me thrown out like yesterday’s trash. Anyone else have any experiences similar to this?
7 comments
Maybe she regrets the way she treated you and decided to be kinder. (But if you started talking again, don’t expect her to keep it up forever. It’s easier to be nice when you don’t interact much with the person you have conflicts with.)
There is a term for this, can’t remember it off the top of my head, but it’s fairly common. Kind of like a type of buyers remorse. Especially if you seem to be doing fine / good without them.
The other side of me says, maybe she is projecting and wants you to offer her the same…
Well you said that it’s been over a year right? So maybe she’s had time to process everything, and realizes how she overreacted or reacted badly at things in your marriage and she realizes that she was part of the problem too. It sounds like she wants a civil relationship, and I would suspect that as long as it’s more of a distant friendship like thing (though that may be after you were married so long), it shouldn’t escalate…. but either way, wish you the best of luck in this!
Might be wrong here (i’m usually wrong), but to me it seems like she’s trying to be nicer for the sake of your son. Plus, people start to act nicer when they have time to miss you. 24 years is a long time, so it’s natural that after she got all the anger she had inside she might miss you a bit. That doesn’t mean she wants you back or anything, but other than that, i’d say it’s a mixture of what i said and her nature (you mentioned crocodile tears, that to me says a lot of a person).
Besides, if you spent 24 years with someone, wouldn’t you wish good things for them, even if you ended up in the worst terms possible? In any case good luck, and don’t overthink things!
Thank you everyone for all your helpful comments. They really help a lot, and by the way Mf I do have a tendency to overthink these things…JRS
I know my comment is late and you might not even see it.
I have been following your story and it always makes me cry because it reminds me of my own situation. Even though your soon to be ex-wife’s behavior was certainly strange, it had me wishing my ex-fiancée would act like that towards me, even if it was not entirely genuine. There is nothing I wouldn’t give to have one more civil conversation with her before I go. But unfortunately I have run out of time.
Btw, I’m very glad to hear you will stick around for your son. I know it will be difficult and there will be times when you might feel you can’t go on. Just focus on him and I believe you will get through it.
My last piece of advice is to be cautious with her new friendly behavior towards you. Just be very observant and analyze it, and see where it leads. It was really strange that she said a 24 year marriage just didn’t work out. Very silly thing to say.
I just read your insightful comments WL73 and I appreciate it very much. The more I think about it, I am glad that we had one more civil conversation. I know it may all be fake on her part, but I like to think that she doesn’t totally hate my guts. I really do wish you could have the same conversation with your ex. I will definitely take your advice to be cautious with her. Our son graduates from high school next month so we’ll see what she’s like then. And yeah, the sorry things didn’t work out seemed like a really odd thing to say. Best wishes for you WL…jrs