I failed, I had one job to houner my parents.
I was harassed and molested growing up, Its a good thing Im bi so the scar isn’t as bad as it could be.
Mental health buracacy and CPS left me for dead, I think it was because of my family’s income bracket and long military background.
I could use a hug.
her bottomless pit
where all the guilt comes
hard for her
does she like it
she doesnt know
nod your head if its a yes
shake it if its a no
they are affection of showing how couples love
she ain’t related to them
she was high for a while
then she got down
You are the most perfect you there is.
I’m not saying you are “perfect,” hence what society considers “perfect.”
I’m saying that the reason why you are perfect, is because you are you.
You are perfect at being you, because you are you.
There is no one who can be better at being you, than you.
Nobody can be you except you.
No one has the same laugh.
No one has the same smile.
No one sheds the same tears as you do.
You are a very cute specimen and you deserve a hug.
I’ve lost 2 relatives that I was close to, both times I was woken up in the middle of the night and told they died. I get so afraid to sleep, in fact one of my worst fears is that I will loose my very closest and dearest loved ones while I sleep. I’ve had nightmares that it has happened and I wake up sobbing. My aunt died and they woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me. I have been battling some depression and Monday felt like a good day for me. Then I find out this morning that not only is my aunt dead but she had been dead since Monday morning, a whole day and no one knew!! Not her husband or her kids or her “friends” no one thought to check on her!! She died alone and NO ONE noticed how fucked up is that?! I’ll never see her again, hug her, laugh with her and I won’t be able to let her know I love her. So in reality Monday was a horrible day, today is a horrible day and it will be horrible for awhile and a piece of me will be missing forever.
For the first time someone envied me. It was my sister nonetheless. She envied my temporarily contentment and mistook it for happiness. Her tear stained cheeks, and hurt smile stirred the inner demons inside of me. The ones that thrived on the lost, the broken. It took a fairly decent amount of my mental health to hug and talk to her about what was bothering her and then sharing some of my *gag* feelings. I had to explain to her that in that moment I am content, not happy but i am okay with just being alive for now. That within an hour or so that moment of temporarily contentment will pass and my thoughts will kick in and render me into a curled up piece of shit on the floor that people will prod and speak to, but will walk away when they realize that you’re not their fantasy girl. When they realized that you cant be helped
A few days ago I got an awful call… My best friend called me to tell me one of our good friends committed suicide. I literally broke down. I know what its like to be at the brink and feel so damn lonely but i just couldnt believe he was gone. He talked a few years ago about him planning to hang himself one night at school and one of his roommates walked in before he had the chance to actually go through with it, and they talked and he decided he wasnt ready…. i wish someone walked him on him this time. if i only couldve sent him a message telling him how much i loved him… his death has opened my eyes. i dont think i would ever end my life knowing how many people would be hurting because of my decision. even people i wouldnt have expected it to effect it would. This man is the most genuine, kind heart and all around cool guy ive ever met. he brought so much sunshine when he entered a room and it just really hurts my heart how much pain he mustve been in…. Tell everyone you care about how much they mean to you and AlWAYS look through that a fake smile. if i could talk to him rn I would sit him down give him a huggggeeee hug maybe slap him and tell him how much loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee he had here and that i understand sometimes life gets to much so i dont blame him for wanting it to end. I know ill see him soon . hopefully our souls will find eachother in another dimension. Love you always fredward <3
I’m not gonna reveal my name, but you can call me Justin. I’m 13 and I’ve been secretly depressed since I was 12. My life is good as a whole, I have loving parents, and a loving brother (and family), but I still don’t feel loved. They don’t know I’m suicidal, but they might suspect it. I’m not asking for sympathy, but I have been thinking about suicide ever since I entered this new Catholic school. I am 95% convinced that I’m bisexual, and I’ve told some of my friends. They support my sexuality, but I need someone. Someone to love. Someone to hug. My parents and my family will hug me, but I feel that their love isn’t special. I’m overweight, and at a school filled to the brim with rules, deadlines, and judgement. Mostly from girls. It seems that everyone else there is so thin, and in shape, and happy with their lives, and just so much better than me at everything. I doubt anyone at the school would notice or care if I died. I hate myself, my life, and I need someone. I have a crush on this guy that I’ve known for so long. He’s my best friend. I tell everything to him, but I don’t think he loves me. I can’t imagine how anyone could love me, with how fat, and annoying, and whiney, and ugly I am. I just need someone. I need him. Help me before I hurt myself.
…and it made me want to commit suicide. yes, it was that bad that i have lost all faith in art, theatre, and humanity.
i applied two of my plays to this playwriting competition this year and last year, and got rejected both times. it sucked. last year, i was not able to see the final plays, but tonight i watched this year’s plays.
the first play was kind of witty, making fun of crappy community college theatre that is up its own butt, poorly written and poorly acted.
the next 2 hours was basically…all the plays the first play was making fun of.
it was awful. i had to say the whole time but i wanted to kill myself to get out of there.
i hate to say this, but the plays i submitted were way better. they actually had something to say, a story, not just a collection of bitching, 21st century pop culture references, and the same bad jokes over and over again.
i wish there was a theatre around here that could produce some of my plays. i really want to tell all the playwrights that their plays sucked but i can’t because it’s not polite.
i’m just fed up of self-important theatre. it’s just like people and life, so self important that they do not care about others, anyone other than themselves. i stayed late to help them, and got some thanks, but other than that, i feel so abandoned.
i have this weird feeling, once again, like it’s just all coming to a head. i went to see a counsellor last week and it helped, but i am not sure that counseling and medication is enough. i am just violently disappointed in humanity.
this might be a shallow post but i really just want a hug and some decent art.
4th Jan 2016
I’m currently having some severe symptoms of anxiety (or which I think severe, but may not be so).
Feeling low again, extremely low..
I need someone to talk to.. someone to hug. I’m not even strong enough to cry right now.
I know I should go to a doctor for the satisfaction of my mind’s queries. I cannot answer them all by myself.
What should I do? What should I do??
I think my life is over. My life is literally over.
I’m telling honestly, from my heart.
I feel like I cannot cope with all the problems I have. My life feels to be really empty.
I am waiting for the time when my life would officially be over (death).
Is this it??? I cannot believe!
For all of those who don’t have someone to say goodnight/good morning to them,
For all of those who hate themselves but wear the biggest smile out every single day,
For all of those struggling with addiction,
For all of those who don’t have someone to tuck them in at night and and hug them,
For all of those who think that they deserve nothing because they haven’t found their talents yet,
For all of those who think that they need to end their lives,
this is for you.
goodnight/good morning, you deserve it. I’m here for you.
don’t hate yourself, I like you. It’s ok to not smile once in a while. I’m here for you.
It’s ok if you can’t quit right away, it’s a process that takes time. I’m here for you.
If I was by your side I would hug you and tuck you into bed instantly, I’m here for you.
If you haven’t found your talent yet, neither have I. We can be discovering buddies, I’m here for you.
If you think you have to end your life, don’t. Please it’s all I ask, I’m here for you. This is all for you.
<3 I care
This time of the year is literally so hard. It is hard for me to concentrate. I hate making excuses for myself but I just try to close up this time of year. Daddy has been gone for three years now and it doesn’t get any easier. I miss him so much. There are so many anniversaries this time of year. Nov. 29th, 2012, the day I had to call the cops on my own mother because she tried to fight me in the street. Nov. 30th, 2012, the day my daddy died in my arms. Dec. 8th, 2012, the day I planned, all by myself, to remember my dad. I went back to my church for the first time. Dec. 12th, 2012, my first day back to school and the night I tried to kill myself. The night I put myself in the hospital for twelve days. This makes Christmas Eve so hard because that was the day I got out. I had to readjust to life. I had to know that people looked at me differently. I’m the “disappointment” the “emo kid that tried to kill herself” when in all reality I was just a grieving daddy’s girl who missed her father. I still wish I could die sometimes. I’m in college now and it’s one of the hardest things ever. There is nothing familiar here. I am so secluded. I’m failing most of my classes. I have my last final in forty minutes and I just can’t study. I can’t concentrate. I’m suffering on the inside. I just want to go home to my daddy and him hug me and tell me its all going to be okay. I love him so much…someday this will all be over..
Son of a *****. I’m at it again, having a breakdown where no one will find me. I’m so tired, so tired (SO GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING TIRED), of not being happy. I want to be able to be content with myself. I never tell anyone I know of these breakdowns and how severe they can get because I don’t want them to think less of me. But I’m exhausted from keeping it in. I just want a hug, a soul crushing, tear gushing hug. I want to feel loved wholly, for my depression and everything else. I don’t want to hide, bu t I shall continue to do so. I just cannot deal with someone seeing me this weak, I’m so afraid they’ll leave me if they see me this way. I know that’s irrational, but I don’t necessarily mean leave me physically all the time, but maybe they’ll take a step back or leave their previous view of me for something worse. I just need a shoulder to cry on right now, though, and I just don’t have that. I need tangible reassurance that everything is going to be fine someday.
(I’ve been so passively suicidal today that it pains me to think of what I envisioned for my lack of a future)
i just need someone to hug me and tell me it gets better.. please.. this hell is killing me
In Spanish we have the word “apapachar” it can’t be translated properly to English but it’s something like “to caress the soul” it could be done thru a hug, or any other display of affection. That’s one of my favorite words and that’s why I need. Autumn and winter make me feel sadder than usual, but the sunsets make me feel so calmed. I just wanted to share this with you all. I don’t know why haha.
I’m sorry I can’t do anything right.
I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment to you.
I’m sorry I’m such a burden.
I’m sorry I’m not what you wanted.
I’m sorry I’m not good enough.
I’m sorry I can’t live up to your expextations.
I’m sorry I’m so lazy.
I’m sorry I don’t help you enough.
I’m sorry I don’t say I love you anymore.
I’m sorry I don’t kiss you anymore.
I’m sorry I don’t hug you anymore.
I’m sorry I’m not a good daughter.
I’m sorry I can’t keep a long term friendship.
I’m sorry I pushed you away.
I’m sorry I’m weird.
I’m sorry I don’t fit in.
I’m sorry I’m a huge fuck up.
I’m sorry I was born.
I’m sorry I hurt you.
I’m sorry if I leave.
I’m sorry if I broke you the way I am broken.
This week. 1 arrest under the mental health act. 2 trips in a police car. 2 trips to the ED. 1 trip to the mental hospital.
I don’t mean to wallow in my own self pity, but, any chance of a hug.
Currently in the ED again waiting to be collected by mental health crisis team.
so ive been on autopilot to deal with depression for the last 4 years, but now with counselling and therapy I’m starting to come back to life. I’m noticing my feelings and the feelings of people around me. I look at my friend and she is just like I was, apart from shes not on auto pilot, shes feeling every ounce of pain and hopelessness. everything in my body wants to go over there and hold her, and tell her something, make the pain go away, cry with her, so she doesn’t feel so alone. but what do you say? what do you do? we never speak or hug, we just coexisted in depression, and now I’m leaving her in that dark place all alone I feel guilty. when I was like that all I wanted was someone to hold me in silence while I cried, but I don’t know if she is the same, what if it makes it worse for her.
Why can’t i just stop breathing?
Why can’t I vanish in my sleep?
Why can’t I have a hug? Isn’t that what we all want, and need? Just someone who is there. Even without love.
But there is no one and there never will be. I can beg but they turn the other cheek.
So I cry in my room alone, knowing no one will comfort me. It’s okay i don’t know better, but it still hurts my heart when my mother doesn’t even wants to sit next to me.
I’m sick of people.. And no one likes me. I’m tired of always trying to fit in. People come and go, does anyone really actually stay? And if they do stay, it’s only little interaction, just little thoughts like “i haven’t talked to this person in a while, I guess I’ll see how they’re doing.” And so you talk for maybe 4 messages back and forth and then they leave again. And you sit there optimistically like “oh okay, talk later then”… That hardest part is accepting that, they’re much more apart of your life than you are to theirs.
Imma go pound on my keyboard now. Have a good day. Um, eat healthy. Hug someone, maybe your dog. Dogs are awesome. And if you don’t have a dog, go to a neighbors house and hug their dog. And if you don’t have a neighbor, hug yourself. Because we are all connected somehow someway anyways.
Um.. thanks.. Bye