Have a plan in place. Will have my house empty, clean, and pay as many bills as possible, as well as debt. Going to take vacation few days before. And any money left over will go to family.
Still working on the final note, but for sure don’t want services, just creamation, quick and easy. Only one person I want to say a few thing to first. BuT would only make me feel better, and her ask herself if she should have seen it commimg.
Going to slowly die, over the next 100 days, doing my best to show the world everything is peachy. And going to say this and that to a few people. If I can be subtle no one will know.
The biggest part of my note is going to be, This is what I want (on my birthday..) how can anyone deny a person the relief of this much pain.!?!? But the rest is going to be trying to elevate the, what if… I did this…. Said this… If only things had gone this way…
4th night in a row I will cry so hard I vomet. And go to work like it’s the best day ever. …. Really wAnt to feel loved… Wanted… Apreciated… Won’t stop me, but would ease this pain… Of you don’t get it by now this fucking HURTS!
3 comments
Haha, I know what you mean about going to work like it’s the best day ever. They all think i’m good, happy and productive. The last thing I want is for them to look at me with pity or misunderstanding in their eyes…
Maybe you’ll change for the positive over the 100 days maybe you’ll grow an attitude. I also plan on being cremated the easiest cheapest way. Anyway good luck on whatever you decide.
Yes, life really does HURT at times. I don’t have any answers. I wish you would choose to live. But I respect your right to have control of your own body. ALL of us have that right as humans. Whatever path you choose to take 100 days from now, I wish you well.