A friend of mine just committed suicide 4 days ago and everyone in my community is totally shocked.
I was wondering what experiences you may have had with a suicide of a friend or family – whomever – and how you dealt with it.
He was a very smart student was best in his school year and an extremely intelligent and good person. He left a note that said noone should feel guilty with all his bank accounts and formal stuff. Then he left and jumped from a 10 story building. Before he has been fighting depression for one year and had medication ( I’m not sure about therapy). The weird thing is that i never had any idea , only very close people knew of this. He started university again after 1 year break (depression) seemed to becoming better and was very engaged kind of. And then he just killed himself. And i think none is really sure why ( most of us who only knew him as good friend) . maybe his close friends knew more. He told he wanted to kill himself already to a close female friend and his mother. Its weird how none kind of knows how to react to such thing. Everyone in our community is kind of silent, a lot cried..
but worst is, everyone seems to try to forget and live on , like nothing happened…
another question I have my self is, why did he write a letter saying none should feel guilty and formal stuffs… and would choose such a terrible messy way of suicide, is that some kind of message? I just want to understand, as i Myself been depressive for 2 years almost…
I’d love to hear your personal experience and opinions on this.
7 comments
people will often tell you about their good things(achievements, ablilitees, etc) but they will not easily tell you about their depression or any other problems like that because these things have stigma associated with them and people are motivated to maintain their reputations.
Hmm, well, no one wants a person that can’t stand for him/herself.
People often avoid them, either to be a friend or to have courtship with.
So it’s understable that a person needs to hide it from others, completely normal.
Hi radiantlight,
I lost an extremely close friend to suicide. We were friends for 14 years and we both decided to go overseas for better opportunities in 2009. Thought it was the beginning of a new life for us, but that was never going to be the case because she brought her abusive fat disgusting lazy pig of man with her. This **** was my own cousin. We had lost contact in the years she was with him because she changed but I never knew that he abused her physically and mentally. She asked to come with me because I was going. I didn’t know at that time but she wanted to come for a new start with him because he had broken her jaw and put her in hospital she had to get a steel plate inserted and drink through a straw. Her parents hated the fat cunts guts so that’s why she truly came. Anyway we left in august 2009 and she killed herself on Christmas day. I have never felt more hate for an individual in my entire life I swear if the ***** wasn’t dead I would have killed her myself for the pain she inflicted on my family. She had moved out with fat **** 4 days before Christmas. On Christmas day was also my nephews birthday so it was a double celebration at the house we lived at. She showed up Christmas day drunk as hell swearing and cursing fighting with “fat ****” and was asked to leave if she couldn’t settle down. She left by herself and 2 hours later fat **** went home and found her hanging in the cupboard by her own belt. You know the most fucked up thing she was on her knees and slanted forward she could have pulled out at anytime but she never. I’ll never forget the call that day. Seeing her lying flat out dead on the bed, because they took her down and laid her in her bed. I know this may seem heartless but all I did was wipe my hands together like I washed my hands of her and her shit because truly you got to move on. I couldn’t be stuck there in that time and moment forever. I never once let myself cry for her. I couldn’t even say her name and anyone that did I wanted to smash their head in. It took me 4 years to say her name without feeling pure hatred towards her. I knew it affected me though deep down but if I let myself feel for her I would have hung myself too. I guess my feelings changed one day I had this thought like it just popped in my head. That if I was a real friend I would respect her descion just like I would have any other choice she could have made in life. I miss my friend. Sorry if this don’t make sense in some parts and I’m writing from a phone.
My condolences to you and his family.
Stay strong xx
Hey Soulsister,
thank you for telling me your story. For that I really feel like your my sister and in a way we all are brothers and sister ( sorry if I#m a bit cheesy) 🙂
It’s really interesting to hear how people change and that all kinds of people decide to kill themselves – smart and kind beautiful people (like my friend) but also people who have become miserable because of others, there are probably tons of reasons. I feel sorry for her and you.
So your first reaction was hate. With me it was anxiety. I was kinda just scared and speechless .
we weren’t close friends just like company friends you have in school you just hang out once in a while because you both have closer friends “kinda”. But still..
It truly is an interesting phenomenon when people kill themselves and how people react.
I’m happy you could overcome your hate and I hope I will also come to terms with my self and what his death means to me. I believe we can learn a lot when suicide happens or we can just look away.
Gosh I hope I’m not boring you^^ Anyways if your still reading this, I too wish you the best, we are all in this fight for happiness.
A brother in life
xoxo
I just lost my best friend. She too wanted none to blame themselves. She gave her reasons for her choice and it seems all but a few have accepted it. We wrote a song before she died and I know that her message may find its way to someone and help somehow. “Find what attaches you to this earth find that thing that keeps you grounded and glued to this earth. May it be the love in your heart, may it be the sound of a babbling brook or the heavenly skies. Find whatever keeps you grounded and stuck to this earth.”
I am sending peace love and light, I hope it finds its way to you.
Hey radiantlight ,
No your not chessy at all. You know I chose the name soulsister on here for that exact reason, we are all brothers & sisters. I’m your sister and I’ll tell you anything from my heart about suicide. 🙂
My friend was physically very beautiful, the head of a call center at 24 years old making $75,000 a year. She was the last person in this entire world you would ever think would kill herself. I only liken it to her life though that she always succeeded in anything she set out to do, she was miss independent to the world she had it all. Her only downfall was the ugly piece of shit that she loved. She could have had anyone she wanted… Sorry just had to clear that up she wasn’t an abused woman who had no other choices.
I dont truly hate her either. I lost my heart that night and the part of me that feels its like she stole my heart and truly left me cold. The truth is though I gave her my heart to take with her we loved each other like family was always and forever and whatever. Why it was so hard to accept. Its common for people who are close to someone who commits suicide to be angry and hate them. There are so many emotions when dealing with suicide and the greif process I guess time is the only healer.
Don’t let the end spoil what memories you have with your friend, they are yours to keep forever and never question the reason why and blame yourself because the truth is their is nothing you or anyone could have done unless they told you and wanted help. You can’t blame yourself like I can’t blame that fat pig **** cousin of mine but he was the contributing factor but at the end of the day it was their choice and their choice alone. They didn’t want help so respect their descion. Know that their spirit still lives on and they are in a better place.
I lost one of my best friends to suicide when we were 17, just after graduation. We were supposed to be going to the same university in the fall, he was the only person I knew going. It really destroyed me, I became anxious, skeptical, angry and depressed. I became a different person that I’m really not proud of. I ruined relationships that I had because of what I had allowed myself to become. I was going through life on autopilot for many years, drinking, smoking, doing drugs and cutting myself just to get away from the feelings of real life. Eventually I ended up in the hospital one night when I cut myself and had to get stitches. I still have the scar to this day (along with many other smaller, less noticable ones from all of the other times).
That was a tipping point for me. I ended up going to therapy afterwards, and although it didn’t seem like it was doing much for me, I found myself getting better. Accepting myself and my situation and beginning to want to move forward in my life. I have some pretty substantial swings into depression at times still, but I would consider myself a happy person now. Time heals all wounds as they say.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s not easy. It’s not an insignificant life event, and it changed me profoundly. However, with the right help and support, as well as the internal desire, you can take those changes that may seem negative and translate them into a new, happy you. Things are different, you may be different, but the past is the past and you can find a way to be okay with life. I still miss him dearly, but I know that he would want me to live my life to the fullest and so that is what I am trying my best to do every day.
Peace and love to you, I hope I have been able to help