I’m such a sad girl that no one knows how I feel. Every single day I cry in my room wanting to end it all but to afraid. I’ve lost a lot of my best friends from this mental illness. Whenever I go somewhere I have sooo much anxiety it’s unbearable. All the medication I take and nothing works. I will never be fixed. I’m the only person in my family that’s broken. I’m just a waste of time and space. I’m socially awkward no matter where I am. I can’t tell anyone how I feel because they will think I’m doing for attention. Or that I’m doing it so people can feel sorry for me. I knew all of this would happen when I left high school. I had such amazing time there I would give anything to go back there. Why can’t I be beautiful. I lie to my therapist and say I’m fine because I’m afraid she will think I’m not trying and that I’m worthless. I just need someone to talk to without feeling that way. But I’m always going to feel that way. So I’ll just keep crying, cutting, smoking, taking meds, and trying to kill myself.
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2 comments
From one socially awkward full-of-anxiety person to another, i know exactly how you feel.
There’s different types of medication, and it’s not the only solution out there.
It doesn’t mean you can’t be helped just because what you’re taking now doesn’t work.
You’re not a waste of time, you’re not a waste of space.
It doesn’t matter how your other family members are. Everybody’s different.
I get the can’t tell anyone part. It’s really difficult finding a way or a person you can actually say these stuff to openly.
You shouldn’t lie to your therapist. They are supposed to be there to try to help.
If you lie they can’t help you solve things properly.
Therapists are not there to think these kind of things about the people they treat, they’re just supposed to try and help you figure things out.
Hurting yourself might make you feel worse, so please be careful with that.
I can relate to your feeling that you feel anxious and awkward everywhere you go. The only time I feel safe is when I’m alone and as soon as I’m around others, every one of my nerves is hyperactive and tense — it’s absolutely exhausting. I don’t know you, but from what you’ve written it sounds like your worst offenses are that don’t want to harm anyone else and you’re also afraid to demand attention from others. I am wondering what is it that needs to be fixed?
There are a lot of people who have similar traits as we do but sadly we’re conditioned to think that there’s a “right” or “ideal” way to act or be, when there actually isn’t. “Social awkwardness” is something people condemn in our culture as if it were a lethal illness. I think this is a problem, because often the types of people who suffer from this have great gifts in other ways. The fact that so many people exist who share traits of heavily analyzing themselves and their surroundings, and who are highly sensitive, shows that there is a reason that they exist and particular function to which their personalities have evolved.